Page 50 of Pike
I spent the morning moving on autopilot. Flipping pancakes for Gemma. Packing up the leftovers. Wiping down the counters twice even though they weren’t dirty. Anything to keep my hands busy. Anything to keep my mind from wandering to where Pike might be, what he might be doing.
Twice I’d got my phone out and started to text him, but then I put it away. Just before he left I’d told him I loved him. Had I scared him away? Was that the reason for the silence?
After breakfast we went outside. The lake glittered under a pale sun. Gemma splashed along the edge with her toy boat, her laughter carrying across the water. I stayed close but couldn’t settle, my eyes scanning the tree line for threats that weren’t there. I went through a few self-defense drills in the grass, every kick and strike meant to burn off the panic sitting in my chest.
By noon I had already worked out twice. Push-ups. Sit-ups. Lunges. Yoga. I even organized the pantry, lining up canned goods like little soldiers. Anything to fill the silence.
Gemma came in from the deck, her cheeks flushed. “Can we read now, Mommy?”
I scooped her onto my lap on the couch. “Sure, baby. Pick a book.”
She chose her favorite about a family of foxes and read the words in her halting little voice. She was getting good now.I listened proudly and tried to focus, but every few minutes my gaze flicked to my phone on the coffee table. Still nothing.
“Mommy, you’re not listening,” she accused gently, her green eyes narrowing.
“I’m listening, sweetie,” I lied. “You’re doing so good.”
She frowned but kept reading, her head resting against my shoulder.
When she finally drifted off for a nap, I sat there with the book open on my lap, staring at the walls. I cooked an early dinner just to stay moving. Two warm meals today. Two rounds of exercise. Yoga. Cleaning. Drills.
Still no calls.
Still no messages.
By the nighttime I was spiraling.
The silence worried me. It meant what he was doing was dangerous. And either he couldn’t call, or he didn’t want to because he knew I’d pick up something in his tone. I knew that rationally. But that self-sabotaging side of my brain kept whispering that I wasn’t good enough. That away from me he realized he was better off without me.
I’d told him I loved him before he left.
He didn’t say it back.
Sometime after midnight I started to replay every moment we’d spent together from the first day to our goodbyes. What if it all had been nothing more than a performance? Worse, what if I was nothing more than a warm, convenientbody, a way to pass the time until he could get back to his real life?
Maybe Pikehadplayed me, or maybe he meant every kiss, every touch, and every stroke. The thing was that trauma didn’t give a damn about logic or reason. It just whispered poison in your ear until you absorbed all of it. Until you believed it.
And I almost believed it.
Almost, but not this time. I wasn’t that woman anymore, or maybe I was still her, but I was trying really hard not to be. So instead of staring at the phone, I did something proactive. Something guaranteed to pull me back from the edge.
I called my sister, and she answered immediately. “Chloe, hey. You okay?”
Just the sound of Faith’s voice made my throat tighten but it also put me at ease. “I’m trying to be okay. No, I am okay, just a little jumpy. Pike hasn’t checked in and I’m worried, which means my brain is getting carried away and I know that’s silly because he’s busy and Diesel asked him to come home for a reason, but I’m a mess anyway.”
Faith was quiet for a long time, and I started to think that maybe I wasn’t being too paranoid. Maybe I was being just paranoid enough. “You care about him,” Faith said, her words soft.
“Of course I do. He’s been great with Gemma, no matter how hard this has been for him, he’s been good to us.” And that was all I was prepared to say to my sister about Pike.
“Hmm,” was all she replied, which meant she thought there was more to say but didn’t want to push too hard. “I haven’t heard anything,” she answered instead.
“Have you seen him?”
Faith fell silent again. “No, but I’ve been busy.”
That was a strange answer. “What does that mean? You’ve been too busy doing what, exactly? I thought everyone was at the clubhouse?” I sat up a little taller as if that would help with anything.
“Of course, but I’ve been doing some digging of my own. Nothing to get all worked up about. I’m sure Pike is fine and if he’s not, I’ll let you know as soon as I know.”
