Page 42 of Reaper and Ruin
“Why did he have those photos? You knew enough to know you should get them from him, even though you didn’t.”
He ran his hand through his closely cropped hair. “I’m a cop.”
I was pretty sure my heart stopped. At the very least, it skipped several beats, finally picking up again in a speeding rhythm that echoed horses’ hooves thundering down a racetrack.
“What do you mean?” I whispered, even though I’d heard his words perfectly and there had been no room for misinterpretation.
“It’s how Toby and I met. He brought his photos to the department, and I was the one assigned to go over them. I’m a low-level nothing. I get all the grunt jobs, and the sergeants assumed Toby’s photos weren’t important.”
“But they were, weren’t they?”
He nodded. “It was an accident the first time. He said he’d been out night shooting, practicing something to do with the lights. But he brought us the photos because he thought he’d inadvertently caught a drug deal on camera.
“Had he?” I whispered.
Devin nodded. “I suspected so, but the people above me didn’t care. They dismissed it, citing that minor drug deals weren’t of interest to them. I told Toby to keep it confidential in case the gangs found out they’d been photographed. I didn’t want anyone to be able to tie anything back to an innocent guy, who’d just been out taking photos in the wrong place at the wrong time. But my sister died from a drug overdose, and I couldn’t just let it go. It’s the salt in the wound, you know? That one thing I got into policing to protect others from, and it fucking grated that they didn’t care.”
He sighed heavily. “So I took my own camera out to the streets, trying to get proof of more.” He smiled ruefully. “And found Toby hiding out, doing exactly the same thing.”
I shook my head. “Sounds like my stubborn best friend. Tell him not to do something, and he’ll do it just to spite you.”
Devin smiled fondly. “Yeah, I learned that lesson the hard way. I tried to keep him out of it for longer than I should have.” He sniffed. “I tried to keep him out of my bed for longer than I should have too.” He lifted a watery gaze to meet mine. “I regret that so much now. If I’d known I would only get such a shortamount of time with him, I would have kissed him that first night I found him in the shadows. The chemistry was there from the get-go. If I’d known…”
I stepped in and hugged him. “No one could have known.”
He squeezed me back but stepped away, clearly needing to finish the conversation. “He was just trying to help. He knew where the gangs hung out. He had the equipment to watch them from afar. But I owe you an apology. I owe all of his family and friends an apology. I lied to you all about what I did for a living, and I shouldn’t have let him get so close. I should have locked him up or something, but I was selfish. I liked that I kept running into him out on the streets. I’d only just moved here, and I was lonely, and sitting in the dark with steaming cups of coffee and whispered conversations while we waited for something to go down was the highlight of my days. I should have pushed him away, but instead I drew him in. Made him a part of it. Made him lie to you all about who I was.” His voice cracked. “And I got him killed.”
I folded the man into my arms, and he sank in against me, holding me tight as grief poured out of him in guilt-racked waves I knew all too well.
I tried to make my mouth move. Tried to tell him it wasn’t his fault. That everything had happened because of me, not because of Toby.
But I didn’t know that either.
I couldn’t forget Lynx’s snakelike eyes, staring at me from that black-and-white photo. He wasn’t the only man in them. The photos dated back to before he’d been released, but it was clear to me he was deeply involved. That as soon as he’d been released, he’d taken up the position he’d left behind.
And he’d been staring right at the camera.
I’d been so convinced this entire thing was about me, but I just didn’t know anymore.
I wanted to pour out every thought in my head, every theory, every worry.
But my eye caught on the three men I loved standing to my left, watching on from a distance.
And I pressed my lips together, knowing that my only job now was protecting them, the way I hadn’t protected Toby.
13
X
Ihated seeing Violet sad. It ate away at me like a buck-toothed rabbit with chlamydia.
Or maybe that was koalas who had STDs. I didn’t know. But I didn’t like it.
We gave her and Devin space to talk, but it was killing me not to go over there. My fingers twitched to pull her into my arms and tell her stupid jokes until she laughed.
It was a relief when Devin finally hugged her and walked away.
She came back over to us, her cheeks tearstained. We surrounded her, the three of us enclosing her like the rest of the world would hurt her and we weren’t having it.
