Page 41 of Reaper and Ruin
Devin nodded at me, his eyes shiny.
I knew mine were too. I blinked hard, trying to keep the tears at bay until I’d said everything I needed to say.
I couldn’t keep looking at Devin’s devastated face if I was going to hold it together, so I let my gaze slip past him to the next row.
My fingers clenched into the fabric of my dress.
Travis stared at me smugly, like he knew exactly how unsettling his presence would be. My lips parted, words on the tip of my tongue demanding to know why he was here.
He’d known Toby. Travis and I had lived in the same foster home, so he’d been around for many of the years Toby and I had scraped through school together.
In theory, he had every right to be here. Just as much right as the other assholes in the back with their crocodile tears and fake memories of a man they’d never truly known. But unlike the others, Travis didn’t pretend. There was nothing in his expression that said he was here for Toby.
It was all about me.
Slowly, he mouthed, “You. Owe. Me.”
I stumbled on my words and turned away, focusing instead on Whip and Levi and X.
One glimpse at their faces, and it was clear they knew something was wrong. Levi glanced over his shoulder, following my line of sight, but I wasn’t sure whether he saw Travis sitting behind them like I did from my higher-up vantage point on the altar steps.
My fingers trembled, but I managed to keep the shake out of my voice. I wanted to say the truth. That he’d died protecting me. But nobody knew I had been there that night. Nobody knew the horrors of what had gone down in that empty warehouse.
They were secrets I’d have to keep until I met him again one day.
All I could do was brokenly whisper that I loved him and missed him.
And then set him free.
I slunk back to my seat, and Nyah gripped my hand once more. “That was perfect. Well done.”
I didn’t feel like I deserved praise. I stared blankly at the wall for the rest of the ceremony, Travis’s gaze burning a hole in my back. I leaned in and whispered to Whip that he was there.
He nodded and whispered back that they’d take care of it after the service.
But by the time the priest invited everyone to attend a celebration of life and people began to file out, Travis was nowhere to be seen.
I didn’t even have a chance to be relieved about that. Devin walked away toward the parking lot, and I chased after him, not wanting him to go until we’d had a chance to speak.
I caught up with him at the edge of the lot. “Devin.”
He turned around and gave me a sad smile and a half shrug. “Violet. Hey. Sorry, I just can’t hang around and do this. Your words were beautiful, but I don’t want to mourn him like this. This wasn’t him.”
I knew what he meant. Toby didn’t do stuffy, formal events. He would have wanted glitter and music and laughing.
But as Nyah had said, funerals weren’t for the dead. They were for those left behind. And if this is what Toby’s parents needed, then that was okay.
I grabbed Devin’s hand so he couldn’t leave. “I know. This wasn’t him. They didn’t know him like we did.” I let out a shaky breath. “But I think even I didn’t know the real him.” I watched his expression carefully. “Did you?”
I saw the flash in Devin’s eyes. Something that looked a whole lot like guilt.
My breath caught. “What do you know?”
Devin glanced over my shoulder, making sure no one was listening. “You found his photos, then?”
I nodded.
He mirrored the action. “I figured you would. I should have taken them all. I was going to that night you let me into your apartment. But in the end I just sat there, surrounded by them, and couldn’t do it. His whole room just felt like something I didn’t have the right to touch. And I convinced myself it didn’t matter now anyway.”
