Page 61 of Crossroads
“I um...” I look at Jasper, who’s still totally unreadable and then back at Kelly. “Yeah. I just...” It’s what I still want, right? I blink, my mouth feeling dry. I don’t really know what to say. “What college?” I ask.
She looks slightly confused now. “Oh, I didn’t ask. I just assumed you had one picked out.”
I did, but it wasn’t the one she wanted me to go to. So that’s the catch, I bet. She’ll pay for my college, but it’ll be her choice of college. I’m an idiot for not asking about that before I came here.
I should have negotiated. My father raised me better than that. If he taught me anything, it was that everything is up for negotiation.
“Hey.” Jasper’s deep rumble startles me as he places a hand on my shoulder. “You should call her. No use freaking out until you know for sure.”
I nod my head numbly and thank Kelly for giving me the news. I put off the phone call, though, until we’re done with chores and have sat down for dinner with the family.
And they are my family. Even without them sharing my blood, they’d still be family to me. And Jasper—oh, Jasper.
He’s quickly become so much more to me. I haven’t told him I love him, despite feeling it. I’m a coward. I don’t know if it’ll be returned, and I know this is all supposed to end, but I find myself wanting to say it more and more lately.
Creeping along my senses and wanting to burst out of my mouth.
But I’ve held back, and now my mom is paying for my college, and summer is coming to an end.
When we finish dinner, Jasper and I head to his loft apartment, not even bothering to hide that we’re going there together. I pull my phone out of my pocket and just stare at it.
If she thinks I’m going to her school of choice, she’s got another thing coming. I won’t do it. I’ll just stay here and be a fucking farmer.
The problem is... I don’t know what I’m hoping for.
Staying here means staying with Jasper. I look at the phone and close my eyes slowly when I feel Jasper’s fingers gripping my chin and lifting my head up. I open them and stare into his green orbs. “Call her. You have to know for sure.”
I want to tell him it doesn’t matter. That I’ll just stay here with him, but the truth is I don’t know if I’d be happy with that life. I love him, and I want to live here with him, but I crave finding out about the rest of the world.
I want to travel and explore. I want to live my own life that isn’t dictated by rules and the expectations of my parents.
“Call her,” he says again, more firmly this time and then drops his hand from my face, starting to get up from the bed.
I grab his wrist and look at him desperately. Silently asking him to stay. He does, offering a reassuring smile as I scroll through my phone and find my mother’s number.
I dial and let it ring. It rings three times before she answers, “Emerson?”
“Mom,” I say, my voice croaky. “Aunt Kelly said you paid for my college today.”
“I did. I just got finished doing that, actually. I paid for the entire first year. Congratulations.” She doesn’t sound disappointed or all that proud. It’s not really a dead tone either, though I hear a hint of something there. Something I can’t quite decipher, but it seems like she’s pleased.
“For which college, Mom?” I ask, my voice shaking, and I notice my foot is tapping on the wood floor below, dangling off the edge of the bed.
She’s quiet for a moment, and I just know it’s going to be bad news. They’re going to fuck me over. Of course they are. I was so damn stupid not to make sure what the deal was. “California.”
I freeze. “California? You chose the school I wanted?”
She huffs into the phone now. “Of course I did, Emerson. It’s your life. If you want to go off to college in California, who am I to stop you?”
I sit there, totally dumbfounded. Who is she right now? She’s been fighting me on this for years.
“You start in two weeks. I wasn’t sure if you wanted to fly there and we’ll get you a car or if you wanted to drive...”
“Drive,” I say instantly, my eyes locking on Jasper’s, who’s listening quietly, his expression solemn. “I want to drive there from here.”
My mom is once again quiet for a moment but clears her throat softly. “All right, then. I can have some of your thingsshipped there. I paid for you to live in the dorms for the first year. I think that will do you good. Keep you structured. If you do well your first year, keep your grades up and stay out of trouble, we can talk about off-campus living.”
I’ve zoned out a little as she goes over the details, my focus on Jasper and what he’s thinking right now.
