Page 52 of Crossroads
“Did something happen?” he asks, concern dripping from his voice.
“Nothing new. It’s just been a while since I’ve been there.” I lie back and try to bask in the sun, feeling like a total failure.
“Hey,” he says, sidling up to me and laying his head on my chest. “From everything you’ve told me, your dad is strong.”
“He is,” I say, closing my eyes. “He’s too strong. He holds it all on himself. He wants to go back to work. He can’t. Watching him like this...” I roll my head to the side to look at him, opening my eyes reluctantly. “It’s torture. He used to be so happy.”
“He’s not now?”
I swallow hard, hating to think about it. “Sometimes. He tries, but he’s miserable. Stuck in a body that won’t work the way he wants it to. Feeling useless, even though we all tell him he’s not. That we need him.”
“That has to be hard for him. Someone who’s worked doing hard labor his whole life and can’t now. Wanting to support his family.”
“It’s the fucking worst,” I agree. “It’s like he lost this huge chunk of himself. I’m such a coward, Emerson.”
His brow furrows at that. “How are you a coward?”
“I can’t face him. I go there and see if my mom needs help with anything. I play with my brother and then beg my mom to take my check and do whatever she needs to do with it. And then I leave. Seeing him like that...”
I stop talking because I feel too guilty. “I don’t think there’s a handbook for this kind of thing. None of you saw it coming, and hell, you were a kid when it happened. You’ve done your best,” he says firmly, even though he doesn’t know what I’ve done. Not really. “I know you, Jasper.” His eyes meet mine fiercely like he can read my thoughts. “You work your ass off here. You give as much as you can to them, and you’re there for them.”
“I’m not,” I argue. “I toss money, and I run,” I say, the words nearly getting caught in my throat.
“You’re amazing.” His hands grip my face and don’t let go, even when I try to pull away. “You. Are. Amazing. Most people would crumble under the pressure of all that. You’re eighteen.”
“Almost nineteen,” I just have to say, and it gets a small smile from him as I desired.
His forehead presses against mine. “It’ll get better. You’ll all find what you need. And if you can only be physically there for a little while at a time, that’s okay. We all cope in our own ways.”
“You’re pretty wise for a city boy,” I say, wanting to lighten the mood because it’s just too heavy.
He grins and kisses me hard. “Get dressed. We have chores to do, and then I’ll show you more things I’m good at. I’m not just good at the advice.”
I laugh, unable to stop it and do what he says, getting dressed quickly to rush through to get to tonight.
When we can really be alone. It feels like that’s always what I’m working toward these days, and I don’t hate it. Everyone needs motivation.
And I don’t really care what he has planned as long as it involves him and me.
TWENTY-ONE
“Tell me about your dreams.”
“My what?” I pull back and look into Jasper’s pretty green eyes that are sparkling with happiness.
I mean, they should be. We’ve been rolling around naked in his bed for the past half hour, kissing and exploring each other, but... we haven’t come yet, and I was kind of looking forward to that.
Jasper tucks one arm behind his head, though, looking all too comfortable, and smiles at me. “Why do you want to go to college? What’s after that.”
“So you mean like my hopes and dreams? Plans?” I ask. He nods. “Unbelievable,” I grumble and fall next to him on the bed, flat on my back. “I’m going to have to up my game if you really want to talk about life right now, when I was this close to sucking your dick and making you come your brains out.”
His hand immediately goes to his dick and wraps around the base. “Jesus. Your mouth,” he gasps.
“That’s what I’m saying!” I tease, and he shoves my shoulder after letting go of his dick that’s still hard as steel, as is mine.I huff, though I’m not really that annoyed. It feels like we have time, but then... I also know we really don’t.
But our conversation at the pond earlier rings back into my ears, and I realize maybe he does need to talk. He’s nervous about going to see his parents tomorrow. I know that feeling—because I’m usually in trouble when I had to face my parents. But still, I get it, to a point.
“I don’t really know. I want to travel. See the world, I guess.”
