Page 10 of Thief of Roses
V.
He waited until shehad departed for her room before he left his unseen post and padded back to the kitchen.He had no desire to have her following him, unfit company as he was.Indeed he despaired that he may not be able to present himself at all if he could not relearn those niceties and proprieties that had once come naturally.Words flowed more readily, although they stuck in his throat on occasion and came out garbled.Still, it was progress when just a few days ago words escaped him, when just a few days ago he did not even think in words.Hearing them had awakened his own, rousing them from sleepy disuse.Her discourse was unusual, true, but she was Rivani and she did use the formal pronouns as was proper so there was no cause for quarrel.
His difficulty these past few days did not come in the form of his words though.With words at hand, he could express himself more eloquently than grunts and growls.No, his difficulty came from his stance or rather lack thereof.He had presented himself to her for inspection on all fours much to his chagrin, but these past few days only proved what folly it would have been to try on hind legs.He could not yet assess how delicate her sensibilities, and did not wish to try them because until yesterday he possessed no usable clothing.With poor but functional pants now, he practiced walking on two legs again.Four were easier, more practical, his body better suited for it, but front paws and back hooves complicated his balance.He wobbled like a newborn colt, struggling to keep his weight perfectly balanced on two imperfectly formed legs.
Some part of him could not believe he was putting himself through this exercise in futility again and the inevitability of his failure.He could foresee no way to improve this travesty of a situation.He had only requested time, to pay for the time the Rivani had stolen from him, but in truth, he little valued what he had lost.He should have taken the gift of her awe as she wandered through the halls of the fortress and later the gift of her fear, that sweet rush of scent which clouded his senses and numbed his mind.With that, he should have sent her away, but that was just it — his mind had been numb and his senses clouded.If only he had been thinking clearly.
When he was lucid and in possession of more sophisticated thought, he regretted his impulse.His pride, pride that he could not abandon even after so long, only inspired pain and frustration.Nothing prevented him from ambling about on all fours and perhaps to the Rivani it would not matter.She may have even expected it.But that nebulous idea of dignity would not allow it.Men walked on two legs and though he had relinquished the identity, the presentation at least counted for something.He would be seen on two legs or not be seen at all.This all would be for naught if she never saw him as anything but a strange pet.
When he stumbled again, despite holding onto steady surfaces to assist with his balance, he snarled as if to tell the world around him of his disappointment and frustration, not that anything here listened or cared except to take delight in his trials.His attempts had improved over the last few days but failed to remain consistent.He feared perhaps his calves could not support the bulk of his weight although he could not imagine that they were not strong enough judging by their size.He forced himself to take his efforts outside, using the door from the kitchen in the event that the Rivani found her way downstairs again.
He gave up the pretense of bipedality when he cleared the small stone wall that had once denoted the boundaries of the kitchen herb garden.Beyond sure footing, all fours made him faster and more efficient in the forest terrain.
His destination was one where he had often come to abandon the past held in the stones of the keep.The new garment he wore restricted his movements and he found the idea that he had once worn such things and much more with pleasure and as a daily exercise as absurdity.For the foreseeable future, he would find little comfort in the situation if the past few days could serve as an indication of what the future would hold.
Breaking through the demarcation of the castle grounds and from there through the fortification perimeter, he breathed at last when he found the way, worn into a path after so many of his visits.The path led to a small clearing, one he had made so long ago, with gathered rocks forming a circular stone wall around a tree he had always valued.He did not know the ways of trees, had little fancy for most plants, but notwithstanding, it was the centerpiece to the enclosure he had claimed for himself.It grew upwards for only five feet, curved so that it was parallel to the ground for another length, and then curved upward again.The bark of the trunk that stretched parallel to the ground had been worn away.The exposed area had become smooth as if he had sanded and polished it.
He used the tree to stand on his hind legs, stroking the smooth area of the trunk with his paws.Trees had no voice and if his finer sensibilities were not roused, neither did he.His touch was the question he had never verbalized.This arrangement was not perfect, but it was as close as he managed to peace.He mounted and laid his body down atop it, holding it like a lover in his arms.He closed his eyes, his cheek pressed to the trunk, content for a moment amidst all the inner turmoil and frustration of keeping a guest.
He tried not to think of the newest addition to his quiet life, the Rivani who had told him what she thought of him with the violent upheaval of the contents of her stomach.She would be softer than the tree.
A foolish thought.
She would be company, mental stimulation, someone to help bring his thoughts back from wherever they had been sleeping, but that was all it would be, could be.
Maybe she already left the fortress and was on her way to escape.If she left, that would simplify everything.He would not struggle to humanize himself.He would not have to recall words or walking.He could just be again.If she left, he would never have to worry about her or think about impossible things.Hopeful things.Tempting things.
“A life without temptation is an empty one,” I believe was your philosophy,She quoted at him, referring to a time more foolish and youthful, from a past which he longed to disown.
He growled at the intruder, his claws out on instinct.If the Rivani left, then he would not be tormented so.
“Yn context,”he argued back,“temptationne produceth abilitie to chews and yf oon hath abilitie to yndulge, thanne thy temptationne mayeth be swete for the durationne or mayeth be swete for the rewards that cometh from denyal.”
Denial?She laughed.You sound as if you know what such a thing entails.You can indulge, creature.What sin would that be to someone who has done it before?She tickled his ear and let her breath pass over his face.You have that fresh little Rivani now.Why not take her?Why not have your way with her and stop your pain?She can sate your hunger until next I visit.
“The trousers thou givest, Y did compensate thee for.”
He turned his face the other direction, as if he were turning from the One who spoke.But She was everywhere and anywhere he was.
You gave me a single night where you serviced me.Have you forgotten how this works?I know it has been ages since there has been anyone to oblige you to respond in a human fashion, but I thought it would be difficult to forget — you are at my whim when your human sensibilities renew.And without those sensibilities too, but what sport is there in restraining an animal who lacks the ability to appreciate the horror of his situation?
“Must thou resume?”he whispered.“Canst thou not forgo thy visits?‘Tis almost over.”
Her fingers twined in the hair behind his ear and yanked, jerking his head off the trunk.
You would do well not to ask such things for I may decide to visit you every night.
