Page 50 of The Next Of Us
Max and I went over his file.
Swinging into my seat, I put my key in the ignition and pointed us home.
I’d committed my entire life to helping people.
My failure rose up to choke me.
I couldn’t go out like this.
19
Rudderless
Nadine
The next night the front door opened letting in a blast of arctic wind.Aaron shut it behind him, his face haggard.I had hope he would find his way back to himself until we ran into that horrible woman.I empathized with her, I did, but not at the expense of my sweet husband.
I rubbed my upper arms to stave off the cold that came in with him.The truth slapped my in the face.He needed to leave sooner rather than later.“Honey,” I breathed then added without thinking, “You need to talk to Max.”
He faced me, his gaze flat.“I can’t leave the practice.”
The chill in the air seeped into my bloodstream.I’d lost so much and with the way he was now, Aaron, too, was as good as gone.We couldn’t go on like this.“What do you mean?Why?”
He waved a dismissive hand.“This doesn’t change anything for you.”
I ground my back teeth together.
With barely a glance in my direction, he continued, “There’s nothing stopping you from chasing your dreams.I fully support you.And you won’t have to worry about selling the house.”
A cold, empty house in exchange for a loving husband and an unidentified dream.The deal of the century.I didn’t want the house.I wanted him.Us.And I’d told him that, over and fucking over.I worked to steady my voice even as my blood thrummed in my ears.“And what about you?”
He shook his head brusquely and turned to walk away.Dismissing me.Dismissing my fears, my concern, my dreams, my love.“I can’t.I can’t screw up Max and Mom’s plans.And I owe—”
My hands closed into fists at my sides, my fingernails digging into my palms.My pulse spiked and my guts knotted.He would sacrifice us on the alter of an imaginary obligation.I didn’t recognize my own voice as I screamed at him, “You owe them nothing!”
He spun back around.His eyes widened momentarily until his brows crashed down over them.“Nadine…”
I jammed my index finger into my chest.“Me, Aaron.You owe me.”I spread my hands wide at my sides.“You owe us!”
Mirroring me, his own hands flew out to his sides.“I’m doing everything for you!You’re the reason I go to work every day!None of this means anything without you!”
“No,” I paced and shook my head.“You don’t get to pin this on me.”
“Pin what?”he asked, exasperated.
“All these years, all these years I supported your late hours, your drive to help people, while I carried the bulk of child-raising.And I don’t regret it.Not one bit.Because you loved your job.”
“Nadine—”
“I’m not done!”I fumed, my breath escaping in harsh pants.“I’m not supporting you working sixty hours a week for a job that is hurting you and killing us.You’ve had enough.You’vedoneenough!You don’t owe Max or your mom or Sage Ridge or that poor kid who is suffering or his bitch of a mother who is lashing out at you instead of looking at her own damn self.”
“It’s okay…”
“It’s not.”I shook my head vehemently.“You filled my head with this pipe dream of a better life.‘Consciously choosing what we want going forward’”, I mocked.“ ‘Facing the next years with excitement instead of drifting through them mindlessly.’You don’t get to say the status quo is suddenly okay just because you’re afraid.”
“I’m not afraid!”he roared, sending me back on my heels in shock.“I have a responsibility to these people!”
“No, Aaron!”I stabbed my index finger into my chest.“You have a responsibility to me.You have a responsibility to us.And most importantly, you have a responsibility to yourself!”
