Page 46 of The Next Of Us
I nodded again, a hint of relief beginning to chip away at the walls I’d built so thickly around my heart.
“You were bound to confidentiality,” she paused.“Did they give you any indication they were considering that?”
“No,” I shook my head then admitted my greatest fear.“I must have missed it.”
My body trembled and shook.
“Aaron, you couldn’t have known…”
The sound of shuffling reached me right before she broke through my tapping fingers to pull my head to her breast.
I blinked hard and closed my throat, my hands cupping the backs of her thighs.
She tunneled her fingers through my hair and pressed her mouth to the top of my head.
I shivered at her touch.
“I’m sorry.”
But at her words, my entire body went rigid.
She lightly scratched my scalp and pressed tender kisses to my forehead.“I’m sorry that happened to you.I’m sorry I wasn’t there to support you.I’m sorry your patient is struggling.”
My hands tightened on the backs of her thighs as I shut my eyes tight and gulped, my lungs working like a bellows.
Her soft touch graced the back of my neck.“It’s not your fault,” she whispered.
The sob I’d held back so valiantly came out through my nose, a harsh, violent, bark of pain.
This wasn’t who I was, who I was supposed to be.I tried to pull away from my sweet wife, but she only tightened her arms around me.
I should have pulled myself together, but I needed her so badly.
“It’s not your fault.”Tears thickened her voice.
Her tears broke me.
I latched onto her hips and yanked her close, hiding my face in her sweetness.“It is,” I barked, almost choking as I tried to hold back.
She began to gently rock me back and forth.“My beautiful man, you’re going to make yourself sick.It’s not your fault.”
It’s not your fault.
Wrapping my arms around her, I pulled her onto my lap.My fingers dug into her sides as I tucked my face into her neck and faced off against the doubt and remorse that had, left untended, festered inside me.
My tears soaked her neck.
The last time I’d cried like this was when I told my mom we I were pregnant.I’d let her down, rendered her sacrifice worthless, or so I believed at the time.
But there was no precious baby at the end of this mistake.I let my patient’s family down on a far greater scale.They almost lost their child because I failed to do my job.
I clenched my jaw, despair physically rocking me.
I gasped as agony reverberated through my chest.No matter how many times Max assured me I’d done the best I could, I wasn’t good enough.
Her body soft and warm and pliant in my lap, hands stroking my hair, she calmly whispered, “I love you.”
Her profession picked at the edges of the wound.
