Page 45 of The Next Of Us
My purpose and direction.
Her honey-blond hair tumbled over her shoulders.I pictured her as she was when I got home, curled up on the chair with a book.I wanted her to have the freedom to do whatever she wanted.
And I would work my fingers to the bone to make it happen, but I hoped I could do it another way.
I spread my hands out to my sides then dropped them to the arms of the chair.“This is not meant to make you feel bad in any way, okay?Without this income, we can’t afford to keep this house, help the kids, go on vacations, cover the cost of the cars… I could get a different job, but chances are it won’t cover everything.”
She gave her head a small shake as if confused.“Can we circle back to the house and expenses in a minute?What I don’t understand, is why it happened so suddenly.One day you were fine, then seemingly overnight, your mood plummeted, and you suddenly hate your job?There must be more to it.”
The winter wind battered the sides of the house, and I felt it inside.I leaned forward and dropped my chin to my chest.
The cold spread.
If I couldn’t tell her now, I’d never be able to tell her.
Bracing my elbows on my knees, I bounced my fingertips together in time to the ticking of the clock that got louder the longer the silence stretched between us.
Tick.
If I couldn’t tell her, she’d never understand how badly I needed this change.
Tick.
If I couldn’t tell her, I’d have nothing left of myself to offer her.
Tick.
I was so cold now I struggled to still the trembling taking over my body.“I had a patient.A young one.”
Ryan.
I couldn’t say his name out loud, but it looped on repeat for hours on end in my brain.
“Okay.”She nodded encouragement.
The soft light from the lamp on the side table turned her hair to molten gold.She was fire, and I needed her warmth to melt the ice inside me.
“Easy, baby,” she murmured, her sweet lips curled in a small smile as she nodded for me to continue.
She was here with me.For me.She always had been.
I took a deep breath and explained, “He was having difficulties at school.”
Tick.Tick.Tick.
I swallowed the bile stinging the back of my tongue and cleared my throat.
“I suggested we have a meeting with the staff at the school along with his parents to explain everything that was going on.The patient refused.I wanted to push, but I didn’t want to send him back into his shell after all the progress he had made.”
“That’s understandable.”
My inhale rattled my chest.“Two days later he tried to take his life.”
She gasped loudly.“Aaron…that’s horrible,” she whispered.
I nodded briefly but kept my eyes trained to the floor between my feet.
“Honey,” she breathed.“Is this child over sixteen?”
