Page 42 of The Next Of Us
I shrugged one shoulder.“I guess I feel a bit lost.”
She leaned back in her chair, her eyes steady on mine.
“I’m just not sure who I am anymore.I had my kids young, got married young, and I have no regrets.”I paused, and the moment stretched.
She filled in the gap.“You just never had time for you.”
“I guess?I miss having the kids at home, but I’m happy they’re out living their lives.It’s Aaron, really.”
“Are you having difficulty reconnecting with him?”
I stared out the window and gathered my thoughts.“It’s more than that.We’ve been talking a lot about entering this next phase of our lives with intention.It’s exciting, but it’s been so long since I’ve had any kind of intention other than looking after everybody that I don’t know where to begin.”
“You know, so many women reinvent themselves at your age.The hormone shifts are not exactly a rollicking good time, and of course you feel a bit lost because when your kids moved out, you basically lost your job.”
I snorted out a laugh.“I’ve been downsized.”
She chuckled and added gently, “There is good news.By this age, we know what’s important and what isn’t.While we may not know what we want todonext, we know our strengths and weaknesses a whole lot better than we did in our 20s and 30s.We know where and how we excel.Most importantly, we’ve failed often enough we’re no longer afraid to try because we know from personal experience we can get back up.”
Back in reception, I pondered her words while I waited to make a follow-up appointment.The older couple were gone, tucked away in the bowels of the clinic possibly awaiting a verdict neither of them would ever be ready for.My heart clenched tight.
I wanted what I’d always wanted, and that was a life rich and full and bursting with everything Aaron and me.That much was clear.But now a ribbon of anticipation uncoiled in my gut, teasing me with what else could be.
Perhaps, I was done waiting on everybody else.
Maybe, it was my turn.
When Aaron came home that night, he was quiet and withdrawn.His smile was strained and tired.After two solid weeks of having him back, the contrast was marked.He spent more time pushing his food around his plate than eating.It was a relief when the time came when we could reasonably go to bed.
“Hey, baby.”I crawled into our bed beside him.Resting my head on his pectoral, I drew gentle circles around his belly button and traced the line of his boxers.
“Hey.”He exhaled slowly, as if he’d been holding his breath all day and could finally let it out.Cupping the back of my head in his palm, he tipped his chin down and pressed his mouth to the top of my head.
“I won’t ask you how your day was,” I murmured.
He grunted.“Good.”
“If social work was not an option, what would you have done?”
He sighed.“I probably would have stayed at the resort.”
My eyebrows flew up.“Sage Ridge?Harley’s resort?”Aaron had worked at the resort in all manner of capacities throughout high school and university.He’d never, not once, expressed a desire to stay there.
It was a wonder it had never occurred to me.He loved the outdoors, hiking especially but definitely not exclusively.Our backyard shed was stuffed full of skis, snowshoes, with his kayak and snowmobile taking up most of the space.
“Yeah.”
“Doing what?”
He shrugged.“Not sure.I would have liked to have been Harley’s right hand, honestly.”
“You’re interested in the running of the place?”
He shrugged and lightly scratched my scalp.“Not so much operations on the business side, I’m more interested in coordinating the outdoor adventure side.Hiking, bike trails, skiing, kayaking, snowmobile tours and rentals…the fun stuff.”
“I could see that for you.Do you think that might be a possible next step?”
Sudden irritation colored his tone.“I have no idea if Harley needs anyone in that capacity.”
