Page 70 of When It's Us
And I wasn’t lying when I told Hutch my life was too busy for a relationship. But I’m also…lonely.
At first, I was sure the uptick in anxiety was the change in routine for the boys, and that’s definitely part of it, especially for Tate. But seeing Peter moving forward, making plans, and living his life is really fucking with my head.
I haven’t told Wren or Finn aboutmypossible move because they both have their own lives and their own husbands. They don’t need my woe-is-me drama. Wren’s got enough on her plate with Hank and the girls, and Finn is still pretty much in the honeymoon phase with Hudson. Not to mention, they have Paige, and soon they’ll have a new baby, too.
I’m not jealous. Tate and Jordan are more than enough. But I’d be lying if I said I don’t envy Hank and Wren a bit. They’ve known each other for years, and there’s a ton of history between them, having dated when Wren was in high school. And they’re so sickeningly in love after twenty years that it’s hard to watch sometimes. Hudson and Finnley have history together, too.
They’d been best friends for years, and when Hudson moved back home from New York last year, he and his daughter moved in with Finn. I’d gotten the story second since I wasn’t living in Timber Forge, but it wasn’t until they’d gotten married so Finn could get health insurance for her diabetes that things had really started to change between them. They’d tried to fight their feelings for one another, but it was futile. They are meant to be together, and their baby boy is due in a few weeks.
Everyoneis starting new adventures and yes, having hot, steamy sex. Except me. But that’s ridiculous, right? I can be adventurous. I could have sex, too, if I really wanted to. I mean, I’d had some fun with Hutch. Not that anything could come from it. Which, I guess, was what I wanted.
Sometimes, midlife is fucked as a divorcee. Normally, I’mfine. But lately it feels like I’m grieving something I’ve already grieved. It’s fucking weird. My marriage ended years ago. I don’t misshim, but I do miss that closeness, the feeling of having someone to call, to hang out with. No one told me there would be this gaping hole where the life I thought I’d have…doesn’t exist anymore. But even admitting that feels ridiculous after all this time.
I’ve never been great at talking about my feelings. Although Wren and I have stayed close even with distance between us, I hate to worry her, especially now that she’s a new mom. I have firsthand experience how exhausting being a twin mom can be. So, I decide that a change of topic is in order.
After the dishes are done, we all head into the living room and tuck into the massive sectional. It really is a dream—like being cocooned in a giant fluffy cloud you never want to leave. I’ll have to ask Hayley where she bought it.
“How are the boys settling in at Peter’s?” Wren asks.
It’s only been a couple of days away from them, but I’m sure it’s harder on me than it is them. They’ve spent a few weekends there already, so it’s not a completely foreign place to them. As tohow they’ll takeourmove, I can’t speak to that yet. They’ve only ever known the house Peter and I bought together.
“They’re doing good,” I reply. “Not big fans of the rain. It’ll take some adjustment.”
Anxious to change the subject, I bump Finn with my elbow. “What about you? How are things with the Bed-and-Breakfast?”
Finn smiles and tilts her head at me. “It’s amazing. We’re so busy that I’ve had to hire a full-time worker to help out, especially with the baby coming soon.”
“And you and Hudson? Is Paige looking forward to being a big sister?”
She grins and blushes. “Huddy is perfect, as always. And Paige is so excited she can hardly stand it.”
“Hudson is basically obsessed with her.” Wren smirks and takes a swallow of her wine.
“Oh, like Hank is any better. He’s been obsessed with you for twenty years.”
Wren laughs. “And Hudson hasn’t been with you?”
Finn grins again, tucking her feet up under her on the couch and settling her hands on her belly. “Touche.”
“Yeah, yeah, I get it, you’re both disgustingly happy and getting that Hayes dick on the regular.”
Wren chokes on her wine and Finn snorts.
“Speaking of Hayes dick,” Finn says casually, “you and Hutch looked pretty cozy getting out of that van. Anything you’d like to tell us?”
The swallow of beer I took betrays me and goes down my windpipe. While I cough and sputter, Wren cuts a sly look at Finn.
“You know, you’re right. I was thinking the same thing. Especially after she went back out to get those missing AirPods,” Wren says using air quotes, “and came back empty-handed.”
Both women turn conspiratorial looks my way.
“Oh fuck off, both of you,” I say once I’ve recovered the ability to speak without wheezing.
Wren nudges me with a knowing look and Finn smiles, absently running a hand over her tummy. “See, that reaction is exactly what I’m talking about.”
Finn shrugs, a sassy tip to her lips. “I mean, you guyswerethe best man and maid of honor at Hank and Wren’s wedding. And you know what they say about that.”
“Andhe annoys the shit out of her,” Wren adds, the two of them tittering at each other like gossipy little bobble heads. “Constantly sniping at each other? I mean, it’s almost like foreplay.”
