Page 155 of When It's Us
She doesn’t move. Doesn’t smile. Just watches me with that calm, steady gaze that knocks me off balance—like she’s leaving it up to me. Tell the truth or blow it all over again.
“I’ve practiced this,” I say. “Talking to you, I mean.”
And I have. Out loud, in my head, a hundred different ways.
“It never came out right.”
Her lips part, but she doesn’t speak. I fill the silence.
“I fucked up.” My voice is low—heavy with regret. “Not only the night you left. Long before that. I held back, thinking I wouldn't break it if I didn’t lean too hard on us. But I did. I broke it anyway.”
I step toward her, slow, steady. “You gave me everything. And I made you feel like it wasn’t enough. When you needed me to let you in, really in, I froze. I was a coward.”
Her eyes go glassy and her bottom lip trembles. It wrecks me.
“I love you,” I say roughly, “but that doesn’t mean much if I don’t back it up. And I didn’t. I pushed you away to protect myself, and I hate that. If I could take it back—” I shake my head. “But I can’t.”
She breathes in sharply, a half-sob catching in her throat.
I don’t reach for her. Not yet. She deserves more than an apology. She deserves the truth.
“I’m not whole without you, Ginger. I want you back. Not just because I love you. But because I see you. All of it. Everything you carry. And I won’t let you carry it alone anymore.”
A tear spills down her freckled cheek.
“I didn’t get it before,” I admit. “I was scared. But now? When things are hard, when everything falls apart…if it’s me and you, it still feels right.”
I meet her eyes, hoping she can hear the determination in my voice. “I won’t fuck it up again.”
She blinks, tears falling freely now. “I read every one of your emails.”
Relief slams into me and I almost sag. “Yeah?”
She nods, swiping at her cheeks. Her voice is raw when she finally speaks. “You shut me out, Hutch. You made me feel like I didn’t matter.”
“I know. But you’re everything to me,” I whisper, “and I’m sorry. I swear to Christ, I’m so damn sorry. I’ll spend the rest of my life making sure you never doubt that again.”
She steps forward, close enough to touch, and reaches for me first.
“I missed you,” she breathes.
“I missed you, too,” I tell her, our mouths centimeters apart. “And you’re mine. You and those boys. Have been since day one. I just didn’t know it yet.”
Her breath ghosts over my lips, the sweetest torture I’ve ever experienced. She presses a palm flat to my chest, right over my heart.
“Next time, let me in.”
“I will,” I promise. “You already are.”
“I love you,” she says, voice breaking.
I don’t wait. I haul her in, crashing my mouth to hers. She comes willingly, a soft gasp on her lips, her arms wrapping tight around me like she never wants to let go.
We kiss for minutes, hours. Who knows? When I pull back, I rest my forehead against hers, breath shaking.
“The boys?” I ask.
She smiles, and it nearly undoes me.
