Page 143 of When It's Us
“And about Sarah?”
I nod. “I told her the night she asked about this.” I lift an arm and point to the little foot tattoo.
Hank nods, and Hudson looks pained. “You told us it was for your ‘wandering spirit’.”
“Yeah, well…that was bullshit,” I say with a sad chuckle. “What was I supposed to say?”
“I get it.” Hudson nods. “Can I ask what made you break things off with Ginger, though? I mean, you guys seemed super fucking tight the last couple of weeks. Hell, we’ve seen more of you since she’s been in town than we have in two years.”
That’s an exaggeration, but I know what he’s getting at.
“It was a combination of things, but mostly, I ran into Sarah.”
“When?” Hudson asks at the same time Hank asks, “Where?
“The day I didn’t show for dinner at the ranch. I stopped at the gas station for milk.”
“What the hell?” Hank asks. “She washere, out of the blue?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t get a chance to ask through the judgmental shit her parents spewed at me.”
“Her parents?” Hank barks, eyebrows pulled together.
I nod. “She had her daughter with her. Her husband.” I swallow. “She’s pregnant, too.”
Hank narrows his eyes. “How old is this daughter?”
I can tell what he’s thinking without saying it. “Four, maybe five?”
Hudson blows out a breath and starts pacing, hands linked on the top of his head, elbows out.
It’s bad enough that Sarah took off without an explanation and just that note. I don’t think I could take it if she’d lied to me and our baby survived, only for her to have kept him or her from me.
Hudson turns, stopping in front of me. “I can’t imagine that spooking Ginger, though, I mean, what is Sarah to you anymore?”
I smile. “Nah, did a fucking number on me though. I was gonna tell her, but then she said some stuff about me not expecting my life to look like… Well, her and the boys. And yeah, that freaked me out too. I don’t know, I couldn’t handle knowing that if I wasn’t enough for Sarah, and all the pain she must have gone through with losing the baby, maybe I wasn’t enough for those three either. I figured I was bound to fuck it all up at some point. Itwas a piss poor thing to do, but it felt easier to hurt her a little, before shit got too serious, rather than hurt her a lot later on.”
“Respectfully, that’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard you say, man,” Hudson quips.
“Next level dumb,” Hank mutters.
“Okay, harsh,” I say on a chuckle, but it feels good to laugh. And I’m finding I feel lighter having gotten all of it off my chest.
“So what now?” Hudson asks.
“Fuck if I know,” I say, scrubbing my fingers through my too-long beard. “Work, I guess. Try to get back to normal.”
Hudson’s phone goes off and he pulls it out, checking the screen. “Shit. I was supposed to bring dinner home an hour ago.”
“Go,” I tell him. “Take care of your wife and kids, man. I’m fine.”
Hudson nods, and we all stand up. He pulls me into a one-armed hug, slapping me on the back. “Take a fuckin’ shower, will you?”
I laugh, hugging him back. “Thanks, Hudson.”
“You’re welcome. Love ya, brother,” he says. Stepping back, he flicks Hank on the arm. “Later, loser.”
I’m met with silence when I shut off the shower and step out to dry off. I’ve been drunk more days than sober for the last week, and getting dressed has been the least of my worries, so it feels good to put on clean clothes. Pulling on sweats and a T-shirt, I leave the bathroom. Oaks isn’t inside, so I know Hank is still around.
