Page 83 of What About Us
“I want you to be comfortable,” he finally says, glancing at me. “So, maybe I’ll just follow your lead. Is there anything off limits for you?”
I shrug, thinking about it. Is there anything I wouldn’t want to do with Hudson physically? No. Zip. Zero. Zilch. He’s my best friend, I trust him, and his body is immaculate. But…we should definitely keep things casual. So, maybe therearesome things we should leave off the table.
“When you were with Brittany, was it exclusive?”
“The sex?”
“Yeah.” I ignore the little tug of jealousy I feel at her having had him exclusively in a way I haven’t. I fleetingly wonder why I never felt that way with his ex-wife.
“Pretty much, yeah. I wasn’t sleeping with anyone else, if that’s what you mean.”
“But you guys didn’t, like, hang out and stuff?”
He shakes his head with a glance in the rearview mirror, before he changes lanes. “Nah. We both worked a lot.”
“Did you date anyone else while you were with her?” I watch his face as I ask the questions, sort of rapid-fire style. If he’s uncomfortable sharing, I can’t tell.
“I went out with a couple women, but nothing physical.”
“Did you guys do...everything?” I ask, my eyebrows crawling up my forehead in anticipation of his answer.
He throws me a glance. “Yeah.”
I swallow, nerves taking flight in my gut. I want to do everything with him, too, but I don’t know ifeverythingis a good idea for us. I can already feel things shifting between us. So, I think it’s good to establish clear boundaries here. I never want to lose him over sex, and that putsan expiration date on the whole situationship. One day, we’ll both find someone to be with, and I don’t want to lose my best friend in the process.
“Do you want to do everything…with me?” I ask, tentatively.
He shoots me a pointed look and it makes me smile.
“What about dating other people? Do you want to do that while we’re…” I trail off, throwing out a hand. It feels strange even asking this, since I had such a visceral reaction to him possibly dating Erin. But friends with benefits isn’t a relationship, and neither of us is getting any younger here. We can’t stay single and in our sex bubble forever. At some point, we’ll want to stop.
Right?
He hesitates a beat, and something in his demeanor has changed. It’s subtle, and anyone who didn’t know him probably wouldn’t have picked up on it. He’s not upset, but something about the set of his shoulders makes me pause.
“I mean, this is just friends with benefits, right? And the marriage isn’t real. So…maybe we should still see other people?”
“If we want to, sure. But no sex,” he says quickly, still sounding unsure about something. Maybe he wants an out?
“Maybe this is a bad idea, I say.
He’s quick to look at me and his shoulders relax. “No, this is good. We can see other people, and if either of us finds someone we want to…” He swallows.
“Fuck?” I supply with a grin, as relief courses through me that he’s still into this.
He shakes his head, huffing out a chuckle. “Yeah. If that happens, then you and I stop doing whatever it is we’re doing together.”
I nod. Ok. We can do this. Hudson and I can absolutely be friends with benefits. And be married. But when I glance over at him, he still looks a touch uncomfortable. For some reason, that makesmefeel lessuncomfortable. Somehow, me being the confident one in this scenario makes me feel bolder. It’s empowering, honestly. And I decide to dig around a bit.
“So, what’s on the table for us, then? Everything?”
He scratches his jaw and glances at me, his expression a bit nervous. “What do you think?”
“I mean, I’ve never had a dick in my ass, but I’m open to it,” I throw out, casually.
He makes a choking sound and then coughs for thirty seconds straight, while I cackle next to him. When he’s finished, he reaches down and adjusts himself and that has me cackling again.
“What’s the matter, Huddy? Does that do it for you?”
