Page 147 of What About Us
Everything changed the day you walked into that classroom junior year, with your big brown eyes and those thick braids over each shoulder. We’d grown up in the same town, had classes together for years, but that day was different. I still remember what you were wearing. You had on a white T-shirt and baggy jeans rolled into thick cuffs. Your shoes were scuffed, and the left one was coming untied. Your bag was stuffed to overflowing. You were laughing with Wrenley, lost in some private conversation.
But what I noticed more than all of that other stuff was your smile. I wanted so badly to be in on whatever made you smile like that. When you finally turned it on me, it lit up something insideme, and that smile has been one of my most favorite things since we were seventeen. I was obsessed with you from that day forward, and if you had known what I was feeling, you probably never would have talked to me again.
You’re so beautiful, inside and out, and you’re one of the best parts of my life. I hope you always know how much you mean to me. I never in my wildest dreams expected you to become my wife, and I’ve never allowed myself to hope for it. Being your friend was enough. Until it wasn’t. I’ve dreamed about this day for my entire adult life. I know this isn’t the real thing for you, but for me, there is nothing more real. There is nothing more real than the love I’ve had for you for as long as I can remember. Words can’t really explain how you have changed my world, but I’ll give it my best shot.
My life is infinitely better with you in it. You’ve always seen me, Finnley. You’ve always loved me for exactly who I am, and you have let me grow and change in my own time and in my own way. You’ve supported me, cheered me on, and been patient and kind even when I don’t deserve it. You’re my rock, my confidant, and my truest friend in every sense of the word. Now, you’re more. Today, you’ll be my wife. It’s an indescribable feeling knowing that you’re mine. Even if it’s just in name. I love you with my whole heart, and knowing you has been the pleasure of my life. You make me want to be a better man. I only hope I can be half the friend you are.
All my love,
Hudson
Tears course down my cheeks and I wipe them away with the back of my hand. His words seep into every part of my soul, burying themselves deep.They fill years-old cracks—all the crevasses left by an absentee father and a mama who died too soon—soothing the part of me that knows everyone leaves.
Miles separated us for years, but even then, he loved me.Reallyloved me. How have I been so blind for so many years? Why did it take Wrenley coming back to make me see what was right in front of me? So much wasted time.
My mind skips over memory after memory. Sunny days at the ranch and rainy days snuggled up on my mama’s couch when we were just babies, our bellies full of her home cooking. Images of him coming to help me when my mama died. Memories of him giving me away at my wedding to Jeff—how handsome he was, how much his hands shook. How that must have felt for him to walk me down the aisle to another man. Christmases here in Timber Forge and in New York.
It all rolls through my mind as I sit, clutching my necklace with one hand and his letter with the other. I drop my eyes back to the paper and flip it over to read the second section of words, written in black ink this time, dated just two days ago.
September 17
Finnley,
Nothing could have prepared me for the last few months. I never knew having my love reciprocated could feel this good. I have loved you for so long, and in my head, you’ve been mine much longer than I was willing to admit. I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I love you with everything in me.
I miss the sound of your voice and your laughter. I miss the way you kiss me and hug me at the end of the day. I miss waking up beside you every morning. I even miss your soft, little snores. I miss you so much, I can’t sleep. I miss you so muchit hurts.
You are my everything, Finnley Hayes. From the time I wake up in the morning to the time I go to sleep at night, you’re the one I think about. I can’t imagine a life without you in it.
I know you’re scared. I am, too. The thought of losing you in any capacity terrifies me. You’ve been my best friend for almost eighteen years, and I can’t imagine that changing any time soon. I know you want us to go back to being friends, and as much as it will kill me to do it, I will. If you truly don’t want more, if you can’t find a way to be mine, I’ll accept it. I love you too much to lose you.
But if by some small miracle you’re open to letting me love you for the rest of our lives, I’d like to try. I can’t promise you that everything will be perfect, or that I won’t make mistakes, but I can promise you that I will be the best husband I can be for as long as you’ll let me. I’d give you the world if I could. If you’ll have me, I’m yours.
All my love,
Hudson
Chapter 54
Hudson
Chatter fills the diningroom like it does most Sunday nights. It’s been a while since Paige and I have had Sunday dinner with the whole crew, being that I’ve been so busy at the bar. My brothers and sisters are raucous as usual, laughter punctuating every conversation. I’ve tried to join in, be cheery and enjoy their company, but I’m feeling sorry for myself.
It’s been four days since Tristen showed up and completely blew up my world. Before she left, Tristen and I sat down with Paige and told her in no uncertain terms that we are not getting back together. Paige cried, as I expected.
After talking it out with her, it seems things are less about wanting us together and more about wanting more time with her mom. Tristen does seem to be trying, having spent the entirety of her time here with Paige, but I‘m not expecting much to change. She’s likely already back in Manhattan, the check I wrote her probably burning a hole in her pocket. Whatever. She’s gone and if I have an inkling of intuition about it, we’ll probably never see her again. As much as that pains me for Paige to grow up without her mom, it’s probably for the best.
After Tristen flew out this morning, I took Paige out on horseback. I apologized for keeping my marriage to Finn from her. I explained how much I love Finnley, and since we’re married now, I want her to be a part of our family. I think she understands. At least, I hope she does, and that she eventually comes around. And that Finn does, too.
Finnley looked so sad this morning. I can’t get the sight of her puffy eyes and splotchy chest and neck out of my mind. I hate that I’m the cause of it. She asked me to give her some space, and I’m trying like hell to respect it, but it’s hard as fuck being away from her, not speaking to her.
My eyes land on Paige across the dinner table. She’s engrossed in conversation with Wrenley, something to do with the babies, and she’s grinning ear to ear. Hank says something to her and tugs on her braid, making her laugh.
She watches the babies move around in the safety of Wren’s belly, fascinated that she can see the outline of a tiny foot. And I think she’ll be ok.
Everyone else is carrying on conversations of their own while I pick at my food. Hutch makes a joke about something, and I force a laugh, even though I have no fucking clue what he’s talking about. I’d like nothing more than to get shit-faced and pass out for the next two weeks, but I’ve got a daughter to take care of. However, one more beer won’t hurt, especially since I don’t have to drive anywhere tonight. For the foreseeable future, I’m back living with my parents.
I push back my chair, leaving half a plate of food, and head into the kitchen. Grabbing another beer and uncapping it, I take a long drink, downing half in one go. I lean back on the counter and scrub a hand over my face. I can’t believe the mess my life has become in such a short time. Shaking my head, I’m about to head back into the dining room to clean up my plate when the doorbell rings.
