Page 75 of Faking Summer
I remained motionless, trapped in thought. The dance I’d gone to with Emma King? I never knew Evan asked Caroline to be my date. I hated that kid. Not a clue in the world where he was now, but I was better off. I remembered commotion happening around the punch bowl, but no one ever told me it had anything to do with Caroline. I remembered Emma and I having nothing in common. I don’t think we talked again after that dance.
"I know we were just kids, but that day," she said, her voice a hoarse whisper, "it makes me physically ill to think about."
Realization settled thick and heavy around me. Guilt pricked my stomach. What could I possibly say to make it all better? How could anything take away the pain she’d gone through? I was just like everyone else in her life who had failed her. If I had known, if I could have done something that night. Would it have changed everything between us? All those years of animosity over some shitty sixth grade dance. I never even realized there was a reason behind it all.
thirty-one
Caroline
"I want a little more curl on this side." My sister instructed her stylist through her reflection in the mirror as she pointed at a lock of hair.
I stood by the window, gaze drifting past my own reflection to the lake I had known my whole life. The sun sparkled off the water's surface, while the tables just outside were decked in flowers and candles, waiting for celebration. Goldilocks was meandering with a few other horses in the fenced pasture. I should have been ecstatic for my sister, but all I felt was an emptiness that gnawed at my insides.
I could deal with the pitying glances, the whispered judgments about my solo presence—I had braced myself for it. But nothing could have prepared me for this hollow ache that was spreading through my chest, knowing Reese wouldn't be here. It wasn't that I needed him to fend off the judgment or save me from the disappointment. It was the startling realization that I just wanted him here with me. For me.
Reese, with his otherworldly eyes that seemed to dive into the depths of my soul, always finding a way to stir up my emotions.There was something tantalizing in his recklessness, in the small glimpses of complexity that lived beneath his rough exterior. And now, with him not here, I felt how much I was starting to really care about him.
Behind me, the room buzzed with last-minute preparations.
"Caroline, lip gloss," my sister yelled. Her reflection in the mirror was pure perfection, exactly how I had always imagined she’d look on her wedding day.
I reached into my small clutch, pulling out the gloss and extending it towards her with a practiced smile that I knew didn't quite reach my eyes.
"You look perfect," I told her, as she carefully painted her lips. She flashed me a grateful look, her expression softening for a moment.
"Thank you," she nodded just as Sam burst into the room with urgency.
"Five minutes until we need to get started," Sam announced. "I need the bridesmaids first."
The room sprung into action, sounding of rustling dresses and whispers. I took a deep breath as the bridesmaids before me fluttered into formation, each paired with a groomsmen who waited nearby.
"Looks like you need an escort," Cooper said, turning to hand me his arm with a warm smile.
"Cooper! Oh, am I glad to see you," I replied, my voice barely above a whisper as I placed my hand lightly on his arm. He always made me feel safe and loved, even when he didn’t say anything.
"It's good to see you, sis. You look beautiful."
“Thank you, Coop,” I said, peering through the space between heavy drapes where the crowd was seated, waiting for the ceremony to start. Reese wasn't going to be here; I had made it clear to him that I didn’t want him to come. But, I found myself searching for him anyway—scanning for him. He was nowhere to be found.
"Let me guess," Cooper said with a knowing smile. "Looking for the pitcher?" He stood beside me, his posture relaxed but observant.
"I told him not to come today," I confessed as we fell in line waiting for our cue.
"Why?" he asked, his eyes narrowing ever so slightly in that calculating way he always did.
"Because..." I began, struggling to articulate the emotions I was feeling, "I don't need a date just because everyone says I do."
"Fair," he nodded with the slightest tilt of his head. "But you were the only one I just saw searching for him. Maybe you really just want him here for you, not anyone else."
I swallowed hard at the realization that struck me at his words. All this time I wanted him here to impress everyone else, but now... now those prying eyes, all the petty judgments, they blurred into insignificance. I didn't care about anyone else. I just wanted him here for me.
"Ready?" Cooper asked, as the music swelled, signaling our turn.
"Let’s do it," I replied, stepping forward with him into the stunning ceremony, feeling every eye on us.
The ceremony went faster than I expected. Charlotte's beauty captivated the room, and I knew it was every bit of perfection that Charlotte had hoped for. The bridal party got to leave the ceremony first, and I knew exactly where I was headed before we needed to get to the social part of the evening. I slipped outside, headed straight to see Goldilocks. The barn was open, and she must have wandered inside.
"Hey there," I whispered, vaulting up onto the gate, my fingers finding her softness. "What's wrong with me, Goldy? Was he right about me ruining my own happiness?"
