Page 32 of Final Installment
“Is she thinking about it?”I couldn’t imagine the kind of courage it would take for Addie to choose herself, to choose her sanity and her health over another pregnancy.
Cheyenne shrugged.“Maybe?We haven’t talked about it again.That was four days ago.”
Certain we should not be talking about another woman’s private life, I said, “It’s probably best not to bring it up again.”
“I know.”Cheyenne glumly sipped her Bloody Mary.“I shouldn’t have said anything.I promise it wasn’t coming from a selfish place.It’s not because I’m tired of being a caregiver to six kids under the age of ten.I’m worried about her.Like really worried.”
“I know you are.”I reached across the table to touch her hand.“No one could ever accuse you of being selfish.Not after everything you’ve sacrificed.”
She squeezed my fingers, silently thanking me for the support.“It’s not like I’m suffering.I may not be earning what I’m worth, but I have all my expenses covered.I’ve got health insurance and dental and vision.He’s even covering my retirement.”
“But it’s not what you wanted to do.”She’d spent four years studying finance and accounting as an undergrad and then two years for her master’s in arts management.She’d wanted to reopen her late mother’s philanthropic foundation and do something with the giant pile of money her mother had left behind for her.She’d wanted to do something useful, something that would help others.
“No, it’s not,” she agreed.
“What will it take for you to be ready to leave?”I couldn’t help with the more complicated parts of her family dynamics, but I could help her come up with a plan to finally cut ties.“What do you need in place so you can draw a line and walk out?”
“At least two nannies and a dedicated night nurse if there’s going to be a new baby,” Cheyenne started her list.“Another driver who only handles the school runs and sports and all the other extracurriculars for the kids.A household manager who makes sure that groceries are ordered, rooms are cleaned, landscaping is done, bills are paid.A dedicated assistant or even a nurse who keeps an eye on Addie and supports her.”
“That’s...a lot,” I said, taken aback by how many people it would take to replace her.“Cheyenne, I had no idea it was that much work.”
“It’s funny,” she said with a sad little sigh.“I’ve always wanted to be a mom.Like—even when I was a kid, I had a dozen baby dolls I took everywhere.I made up all kinds of pretend scenarios about taking my babies to the doctor and to the grocery store.I had a little baby doll school.I babysat at the country club gym.I always volunteered at church with the littles, even before Addie and the babies.”
“And now?”I asked carefully.
“I think I would have to be married to a very particular type of man to ever agree to have my kids,” she admitted.“Let’s get real, Elona.My family is loaded.We can solve our problems by throwing money at them.But you know what I’ve learned?Money can’t solve all the problems that come with raising kids, and if your husband is a loser, it’s hard, lonely, thankless work.”
She was right.The two of us were proof enough that money wasn’t a substitute for loving, nurturing parents.She had her demons, and I had mine.
But we had grown up with incredible privilege, and we were heavily insulated from the realities that many of our peers endured.We weren’t being smothered by student loans.We didn’t worry about paying rent or affording health insurance.We weren’t drowning in credit card debt.We weren’t afraid of layoffs.We didn’t have to send out a thousand resumes to get five job interviews.
There was a tradeoff to having money, but I doubted either of us would have chosen the alternative.
“So, what’s going on with your family?The wedding still on?”She obviously wanted to change the subject, and I was happy to share my little slice of hell.
“Everything is happening right on schedule.”I reached for my mimosa and polished it off.“At least, that’s what Dafina tells me.She’s so far removed from it all that I don’t even think she knows what colors the tablecloths will be.”
Cheyenne made a face.“That’s so weird.”
“The whole thing is weird.If you had seen the prenuptial agreement!”I rolled my eyes.“It was total garbage.Dafina was prepared to sign it without even letting a lawyer read through it.I got four pages in and started making phone calls to every attorney I know.”
“That bad?”
“I’ll spare you all the gross stuff he tried to put in there about frequency of sex and how many babies they’d have.”I shuddered with distaste.“All that was bad enough, but he was even more insulting with the stinginess.”
“A creep and a cheapskate!”Cheyenne shook her head with resigned amusement.“Men really are giving us more reasons every day to stay celibate.”
Her mention of celibacy triggered a shameful twisting in my gut.Ever since the dinner party, I had been plagued with dreams and thoughts that were anything but celibate.Downright slutty, actually.
Smutty.Nasty.Dirty.
About him.
Luka.
My enemy.
Except, in my twisted fantasies, we weren’t acting like enemies.There was definitely a hate-fucking flavor to them.I’d drained the battery on my Rose toy four times in the last week alone to those fantasies.Mostly of me sitting on his face, forcing him to apologize for every last crime he’d committed against me with his tongue.
