Page 31 of Final Installment
My mouth gaped open in shock.“Again?But I thought the doctors said—.”
“They did!I was with her when her obstetrician and psychiatrist and the counseling team at the hospital told her she could not risk another pregnancy.I helped her make the appointment for her tubal and arranged everything, but then that sack of shit pastor with his giant veneers and Baby Billy hair got involved.He started spewing all that garbage about God’s plan and God never giving us more than we can handle and how we shouldn’t question His design.”
“Easy for him to say,” I grumbled.“He’s not carrying the baby or raising the others.”
“Exactly!I tried reasoning with Daddy, but you know what he’s like.It’s been almost a year, and he’s still offended that I suggested he get a vasectomy.”Cheyenne downed the last of her Bloody Mary and then glanced around in search of the waiter.She got his attention and motioned to her empty glass.
“Another one?”I asked carefully.
“I’m not driving.”She picked up half an English muffin from her plate and started to slather peach jam on it.
Driving wasn’t my concern, but I let it go.
“Honestly, Elona, I think that preacher is trying to kill her so he can get his hands on more of Daddy’s money.”She violently bit into the muffin.“He’s got Daddy wrapped up in some new finance thing that sounds like a scam.He's always in Daddy’s ear about prosperity gospel nonsense.I mean, how much more money does that church need?They’ve got private jets.A fleet of them!And mansions!And a giant arena and hundreds of staff and a full publishing arm!”
“You know my feelings about all of that,” I said uncomfortably.Organized religion was really not my thing, and the more I saw of the mega church her parents liked, the more I was resolved to stay far away from it.
“They’ve got Addie out there shilling for their women’s ministry, and I'm in the background just trying not to lose my mind and call them out on the hypocrisy and lies.I don’t even think Addie believes any of it, but she’s so desperate to be loved and have their approval, she just goes along with it.”Cheyenne made a face.“If anyone ever finds out what it’s really like at our house, she’s going to be humiliated and criticized for selling the trad wife fantasy to vulnerable young women.”
“Maybe she should be,” I remarked rather unkindly.“She’s a multimillionaire telling young girls not to go to college or to give up their careers to raise kids and be wives when she’s got the safety net of all that money and a law degree.”
“And is she using it?”Cheyenne wiped some jam from the corner of her mouth.“She left a partner track to devote herself to raising her kids.She gave up her whole life because she bought into that nonsense.”
“She was vulnerable, Cheyenne.”I squirmed uncomfortably, remembering only too well how easy it was to be convinced to do stupid things.“Your dad was cheating on her.She went to that church and found friends and support.Your dad started going, and he committed himself to her and the marriage.”
“Oh, please.”Cheyenne poked her fork into the runny yolk of her fried egg.“He’s not committed to anything but his own pleasure.He’s a selfish dickhead, and I’m embarrassed to call him my father.”
“He’s cheating again?”
She snorted.“He never stopped.”
“Does Addie know?”
Cheyenne nodded.“She pretends she doesn’t, but, like you said, she’s not dumb.She’s convinced herself it's her fault.If she prays harder, if she keeps sweet, if she showers him with love, if she gives him what he wants and serves him—he'll love her and choose her again.”
I hated that I understood Addie’s mindset.Of course, I’d had the excuse of youth.She was thirty-six or thirty-seven, but she obviously struggled with the desperate need to be loved and wanted.That I could still understand even now.Even after years of therapy, even after half a dozen very healthy relationships, I still desperately wanted to be loved, to belong.
“I’ve got to get out, but I don’t know how.”Cheyenne smiled at the waiter as he approached with her Bloody Mary.“Can we get a refill on the bread basket and also some more orange juice?”
The waiter smiled and nodded before gathering up the empty glasses and bread basket.
“I know.”She rolled her eyes at me.“Carbs and sugar.”
“Girl, please.”I frowned at her.“Like I’m ever going to say a word about what another person chooses to eat.”
“I’m starving.The last few weeks, Addie has been back on that Gwen Shamblin stuff.Starving herself for Jesus or whatever.I thought she’d gotten rid of all those books and DVDs and journals after the scandal and that documentary, but I guess she had them squirreled away somewhere.”She waved her fork around and shook her head.“She was even talking about trying to get on Ozempic and maybe getting a BBL or new boobs the day before she took a pregnancy test.”
“What!”Addie had a well-earned Pilates physique.Lean, elegant, strong.She was one of the most beautiful women I’d ever met.“She’s fit and healthy.”
“I’m sure she thinks that Daddy would be faithful if she looked more like the women he cheats with,” Cheyenne said.“Which is crazy because he’s not cheating with prettier or richer or more accomplished women.He goes after women who need something—money, a job.Just out there exploiting.”
I scrunched up my face.“He really is the worst.”
The waiter returned with the bread and juice, and Cheyenne smiled at him again.When he was gone, she reached for another English muffin.As she stabbed it with her fork to separate the halves, she confessed, “I offered to get Plan C or take her on a camping trip to New Mexico.”
I nearly dropped my fork.“What did she say?”
“She didn’t say anything for, like, five whole minutes.She walked away, went to the window, watched the kids playing out back.”Cheyenne slashed the soft mound of butter with her butter knife.“She finally came back and said she’d think about it.”
