Page 28 of Married to the Forbidden Duke
Alice closed her eyes. “I don’t think I can ever forgive him.”
“And that would be understandable, too. Perhaps not what he wants to hear, but he should be doing this for your sake, not his. To protect your future, rather than assuring his.”
“I thought you would support him no matter what?” Alice prodded.
“I do, but I support him doing the right thing. Love doesn’t mean you are blinded to someone’s faults.” She smiled sadly. “My husband died two years ago. Thirty years, we shared together. Ididn’t love him when we married, but I grew to love him with him, and he loved me. That didn’t mean I was ever blind to his faults. Far from it! I knew his faults as well as anyone. And sometimes, when necessary, I confronted him about them.
“He made the effort to improve himself for me, and heaven knows I’m not perfect, so I did the same for him. I love Frederick like my own son, but he is not free from flaws. I imagine no man is.” Her gaze softened. “If you can, be gentle with him. And if you cannot, I am sure we both understand why. Now, tell me a little more about your leg. Frederick mentioned a physician.”
“I have a series of exercises to perform every day, and he comes to massage the muscle.” Alice felt awkward admitting even that much, considering it was a doctor’s gloved hands on her bare leg. But he was a medical professional, and she shouldn’t feel foolish about it.
“Ah.” The dowager’s eyes twinkled. “That explains it.”
“Explains what?”
“Frederick.” She waved her hand. “I understand how frustrating it can be to be in pain and to not have the full use of a limb.” She extended one wrist, the muscle wasted and the bones sticking out far more than in her other hand. “No one has ever been able to ease this, and I fear there is nothing more to be done about it. This will stay with me for the rest of my days.”
Alice sucked in a breath. “How did it happen?”
“My fault. I was out riding, my horse took a scare and I tumbled off. Landed on my wrist. A nasty fracture, I suppose, but it ballooned to three times its normal size. I think I also shattered the bones in my hands.” She twitched her fingers, which did look crooked. “I have very little movement and constant pain. Dear Frederick has done his best to have it seen to, but there’s no hope for me.” Her gaze flicked down to Alice’s leg. “Does yours pain you too, dear?”
Alice nodded. “All the time. More so when it’s wet.”
“Ah, yes. It is quite the same for me,” the older lady chirped.
“Did the Duke—did he get Mr. Brown from Harley Street to attend to you, too?” Alice asked.
“No, dear. This is an old injury—over ten years now. I haven’t allowed anyone to attempt to diagnose me at any time recently.” She sighed. “But, then, I’m older. We learn to have pain and cope with it when we get on in years. But I have heard good things about your Mr. Brown. We need new blood with new techniques. Perhaps if he succeeds with you, I might employ him for myself.”
Alice stared at the other woman. She’d been prepared to be on the defensive, but at every stage, the dowager countess had proved her wrong. She did not defend her nephew, even though she loved him. She seemed to understand what it meant to live with permanent pain and a limb that was of no real use. In effect, to be disabled, though Alice hated the term. It made her feel as though there was something categorically, catastrophically wrong with her.
“Sometimes I think it would be easier without hope,” Alice said, looking down at her hands. She had two, and she could use both for whatever she wished. How fortunate she was—and how much she had taken that basic fact for granted.
“Hope can be hard when dashed, but life is harder without it. If Frederick hadn’t invited me to stay in this lovely house when my husband died, I fear I might have gone mad.” At the look on Alice’s face, she laughed, patting her hand. “You see, there is plenty of goodness in him if you know where to look. But don’t fear! I don’t live here any longer, and I won’t intrude now.”
“You would be very welcome,” Alice said hurriedly. Anything to prevent her from being alone with the Duke at all times.
“Nonsense, dear child. I would be intruding, even if you did not know it. This matter between you and Frederick is yours to sort. I will always be a willing ear, and you may be sure I will be around often enough you’ll wish me to the devil, but I won’t be staying here. You need your privacy, even if it is only to scream at each other and throw fine china against the walls.”
Alice giggled. “I haven’t considered throwing fine china anywhere.”
“Well, if you do, avoid the blue patterned set. His mother received that on her marriage, and he has precious little left of her, that’s for sure. But there is some Crown Staffordshire china that I believeIgifted him that you may throw. I can always buy some more if necessary.”
“I think that’s the set we eat off,” Alice said slowly.
The dowager smiled softly, her entire face transforming.She really does love him, Alice thought.
“He always was a sentimental boy.”
The Duke…sentimental.
Every day, she felt as though she was learning something about him, and she didn’t know how to feel about that.
At least now she knew she would have the dowager countess’s support even after she discovered Alice could never forgive the Duke even after a lifetime with him.
Even if.
The wording in her own head startled her—as though she had ever been anticipating forgiving him. As though she might perhaps have… wanted to.
