Page 71 of Married to the Forbidden Duke
She put the pad down and turned to him, a furrow in her brow. “Why would you suppose I’d be unwilling?”
Frederick pondered for a moment. “You have looked unhappy ever since we suggested it.”
“That’s not—” She dropped her gaze and sighed. “That has nothing to do with it.”
“Then what does? Talk to me, Alice.” He felt an odd, unfamiliar frisson of fear at the idea she might step too far for him to reach her. “Please. What’s troubling you?”
“I met an old friend of mine the other day.”
“Ah.” He kept quiet, waiting for her to continue.
“It was wonderful, seeing her again. I hope to see her more. It’s not that Charlotte herself upset me in the slightest, but she reminded me that I’ve grown and changed in the time since we parted. She seems to think for the better, and I wouldn’t want to disagree with her. Perhaps itisfor the better. Perhaps this is all for the better, but sometimes I feel…” She hesitated.
“Go on,” he pressed softly.
“Sometimes I feel guilty for turning into a person they would no longer recognize,” she spoke in a rush. “And I wish that maybe I hadn’t changed as much. I know it sounds foolish, but how much of becoming someone new is forgetting them?”
Another wave of guilt—it would never end, this awareness of everything he had taken from her. The urge to soothe her arose, his frustration that he could never ease her pain as much as he had given it.
He placed his hands on her shoulders, kneading the tight muscles there the way he did daily to her leg. “Haveyou forgotten them?”
She frowned. “No.”
“Do you think they would want you to remain the same person as you were back then?”
“I—” She sucked in a breath, and he could almost see the way she thought about her answer. Careful, deliberate. “In many respects, no.”
“Do you think you have become aworseperson, or do you think that time and wisdom have given you different perspectives from the ones you had as a girl?” He kept his voice low, soothing. “Your parents loved you and thought the world of you. If they were here now, they would want the best for you—and that includes watching you grow and develop into the young woman you always had the potential to be. Growing and maturing is all part of change, and that’s not betrayal. You haven’t let themdown. Theywouldstill recognize you. Your friend did, didn’t she? She justalsoacknowledged the ways in which you have grown.” He bent to kiss her cheek. “Leave the guilt to me, my darling, or I fear it will swallow you whole.”
“What about you?” she asked, half turning so she faced him. “Will itswallow you whole?”
If he ever failed her again, it would. But this new truce—thisaffection—between them kept the worst of his demons at bay.
“Not with you around,” he told her, then kissed her nose. “Now, are you ready?”
She smiled, her eyes bright for once. “Let’s clear your name once and for all.”
The sun beat down on their shoulders as Frederick followed their servants through the crowd to the blanket and parasol that they had made up for them. True to her word, Alice kept by his side, her face doused in one wide smile. No matter how much might be going on inside her head, she showed no sign of it.
“What are you intending to do?” she murmured, one hand on the top of her bonnet as she looked at Frederick.
“I’ll fetch you some wine. The sun is hot. After you’ve rested a little, I thought we might go on the river?”
“How romantic.” She fluttered her eyelashes at him, making him laugh. “Go on, tend to me, husband.”
He sank into a low bow. “With pleasure, wife.”
Leaving her giggling behind him, he found where servants were setting up refreshments, and selected two glasses of wine. In the distance, he saw his aunt talking with her fellows, Lady Lancaster—a notable gossip—hanging on her every word.
When he reached the blanket again, he found Alice reclining on her hands, her legs in the sun and her face in the shade.
“It’s so very relaxing,” she breathed, not opening her eyes. “As though everything is right in the world presently.”
“Will some wine help with that impression?”
“It will certainly aid my peace,” she said with a smile, cracking open one eye as she accepted the glass he handed to her. She sipped it and sighed, eyes fluttering closed again. “I find myself quite contented here. Let me rest awhile while you discuss business with your acquaintances and let them know what an upstanding gentleman you are. I will await your return.”
“Don’t fall asleep,” he warned gently. “I’ll ask Denshire to find Helena and send her to you.”
