Page 134 of Let It Snow
"I left."
"Snow just waited for you to come back to him; he hoped for it."
"And you? You… asked me to stay."
Lake sighs softly. "I asked because my heart believed you two belonged together. But Aiden reminded me of something. His dad used to run away from home during heat recovery, rushing to his parents’ place. It’s a thing with some omegas."
"Really?"
"Yes. It’s just a messy period. On top of that, everything you’ve been through this past year was a massive upheaval, and no one has the right to judge the way you’re handling it. You went through hell, Summer. I don’t want you to be too hard on yourself. Deep down, I believe everything is going to fall into place. It just takes time."
With some hesitation, I nod, even though right now I have no idea how to approach Snow or bring back what we used to have, that sweet, magical dynamic between us.
I want so badly for it all to work out. I make up my mind that I’m going to do whatever it takes, step by step, to fix things.
The coming days will set it right.
???
That night I go to bed alone in my room after a solid dildo session. I don’t go back downstairs or say good night to the family. It almost feels like I’ve hit a reset button and my shyness has taken over again.
I replay dinner in my head. Aiden, Bay, and Snow didn’t say a single word, they just ate. It was Lake who kept talking to me, the only one making an effort to help me feel at home again without any awkwardness.
Does it seem strange to the rest of the Nolans? In their family, there are so many True Mate relationships that they have different standards. Once the couple's mateship level is confirmed, there’s no such thing as running away or breakingup. My situation and the fact that I can be away from Snow and not… die is something they probably need to wrap their heads around.
Or maybe… they don’t trust me?
Maybe they think I’ll hurt Snow again and run off at the first excuse like some emotionally unstable brat.
I lie in bed for a long time, thinking about my life. The trip to Iceland didn’t bring me anything unexpected, no breakthroughs that hadn’t already happened inside me.
Also, I suffered such intense headaches that I had to be on strong medication just to get through the days.
My parents were happy to see me and wanted me to stay with them longer, but it was obvious from the start that there was no place for me there.
Every day, I kept replaying the airport scene in my head, his face, his light violet eyes framed by dark lashes, looking at me, wistful, melancholic. Because of that damn heat recovery, all my mental energy was stunted.
I just stood there like an idiot, unable to tell Snow that I was only leaving for a few days, that I could never leave him for good, that of course I wanted to build our relationship, that I wanted to be a dad to his children. I had already made up my mind, and the damn hormones made me just freeze there, quiet like a mute. It felt impossible to force the words past my throat.
My hormones were raging, every little thing felt like a huge problem.
Snow could have thought I was leaving him forever. But if he saw the future, shouldn’t that have reassured him? That was what I kept clinging to throughout my stay in Iceland.
That’s what I’m still counting on!
I can’t sleep for a long time. I toss and turn in my messy nest, watching the play of garden lights flicker across the ceiling of my room.
I know challenges are waiting for me, but funny enough, part of me feels… excited. I know exactly what I’ve taken on, what I agreed to.
Becoming a dad. To his children.
It’s a huge leap for me, from being a traumatized twenty-year-old with amnesia, fresh out of my first heat, to undertaking this enormous responsibility. But I believe that with six months still left to prepare, I’ll have time to open myself up gradually and shift my mind toward this new way of living. I just need to figure out how to start. Perhaps I could talk to Lake about what it was like to adopt Nathaniel?
In the morning I wake up, open my eyes, and realize I’m still not fully used to the fact that my mind is clear, that all my memories are available to me again.
I lie there for a while, savoring it, knowing I owe it to Snow.
He healed my mind. And because of him, because of our connection, the scars on my neck have healed too. And the lash marks on my back.
