Page 47 of Sold to the Devil
He wants to make sure I fulfill my role perfectly. My descendants will also have to be trained to one day take my place and rule the magical world, while ensuring that only wizards and shapeshifters are part of it.
To train a future leader, there is no need to love him. Even less so to love one's wife in order to produce one.
My father ingrained this belief in me so deeply that for a long time I refused to express any emotion. The mere idea of marrying a woman I couldn't possibly love was repugnant to me. I didn't understand the point of marrying for a successor if love had no place in the equation.
What was the point of wasting my time and patience having to put up with a woman I was destined to despise just so she could give me a son? Couldn't she have carried and given birth to my child before disappearing so I could make him the perfect heir, just as my father had done with me?
I needed an heir, not a wife.
Yet, all my beliefs and convictions were shattered when I first saw her.
Aelys Hewloc.
Her long brown hair, pale skin and large hazel eyes shining with innocence make her too captivating to resist. The gods know how hard I tried to hate her with every ounce of my being.
What a fucking failure…
I don't know how I feel about her, but I know I care too much for this girl. The mere thought of someone else having her drives me insane. I can't stand it. She's been mine from the beginning and will remain so until our last breath.
But if Father finds out, he will kill her.
“I know what you did, Rigast,” Leroi spoke again, bringing me back to reality. “Fuck, you hurt her, but that's not all. You also went and fucked some random girl behind her back.” He spits, his voice full of venom, his gray eyes now blackened with anger. “And suddenly you're playing the perfect boyfriend in public. Fuck, you've got some nerves, you bastard!”
He's furious, and so am I. Not only because he's starting an argument about all I've done to her, but also because I already hate myself for it. I hurt her, and I know she doesn't fully trust me, and it's driving me crazy. I want—no, I need—her to trust me.
All these emotions are confusing and too much for me to handle. Since I was younger, fear is all I’ve ever known. Fear of being beaten, when my father thought I deserved to be punished for a mistake any kid could have made.
The Rigasts were beyond reproach. There was no room for error or weakness. He said these corrections were meant to toughen us up.
Fear got replaced by anger as I grew older and he began to do the same to Tom. Every time he beat me or touched my little brother, my anger grew. Until one day I stopped taking the blows and fought back. I fought back, surprisingly earning the approval and pride of the great Darkvis. I was finally worthy of being his heir and the beatings stopped. He never laid a hand on Tom or me again.
As for what I feel for Aelys, I don't know what it is. I wouldn't say I love her, but I do care about her. The fact that he says it's all an act makes me furious.
“You don't know anything, Leroi,” I growl, my voice sounding like a warning.
He takes a step towards me, his eyes black with rage, his nostrils flaring and his index finger pointing at my chest.
“Then enlighten me, Rigast! Explain to me why you've been stuck by her side all fucking day, acting like you actually love her after treating her like shit since you first saw her!”
I clench my jaw and turn my gaze toward the altar. I don't know what he wants me to say. Hating her was an act. Caring for her and being attracted to her isn't. I don't want to feel anything for her, but I'm afraid it's already too late for that.
“She's my fiancée, Leroi. Mine, damn it! Our marriage will soon be announced publicly, we need our relationship to appear normal. And I don't want other guys flirting with her!”
“That's fucking hypocritical of you after fucking another girl yesterday,” he snorts venomously.
“I’m fucking regretting it!” I cry out, my anger reaching its peak.
His eyes widen and he takes a few steps back, surprised. “You what?” He asks, stunned, probably expecting me to correct myself.
I run my hands through my hair and pull my brown curls harshly. I close my eyes and clench my jaw harder in frustration.
“I should never have fucked that fairy bitch! Are you satisfied?” I breathe out, angrily.
“I never meant to hurt Aelys. I don't know what's happening to me, all I know is I can't bear the image of her with anyone but me!” I scream, desperate, angry, frustrated…
I run a hand over my face and sigh heavily. My shoulders slump and I feel the guilt returning. I know she's still hurt by what I did and I hate that.
I hate myself for this.
