Page 96 of The Day After Christmas
It was the first time it had occurred to her. Perhaps Jocelyn had just really struggled with motherhood. People did, didn’t they? Maybe she had postpartum depression or worse, new mums even had psychosis sometimes, didn’t they? She’d seen something about it onEastEndersonce. Or maybe Jocelyn just wasn’t suited to it. Perhaps the drinking was her way to cope. This all zipped through Felicity’s mind in the time it took her to take her teabag out of her mug and drop it in the bin.
‘I’m really sorry, Felicity.’
‘Thanks. And I’m sorry about your situation.’ She paused, wondering how to say it. ‘They don’t… hit you, do they?’ she said. ‘Nothing physical or…?’ She left the sentence hanging.
Charlie shook his head almost violently, his black fringe falling over his forehead.
‘Nothing like that. It’s more like I’m completely invisible. Which seems worse but I’m sure it’s not.’
‘It can be just as painful, emotionally at least, and it’s definitely not okay,’ said Felicity. And then another thought crept into her brain. ‘Is this why you did all that stuff? To get their attention?’
Charlie didn’t even pretend to consider this. ‘Yup. Got me lots too. Just not the right sort.’
‘You know that’s not the answer, right?’
‘I know,’ he said, dropping his shoulders in a sort of half shrug.
‘So you’re not going to get in any more trouble, right? Your parents love you, I’m sure, they might just not be very good at showing it. Give them a chance.’
He looked at her for a long moment then, his dark eyes almost navy under the shoddy staff-room strip light.
‘I’ll try. For you.’
‘For me. Thanks, Charlie.’
‘No, thank you.’
‘Right, that’s quite enough of that.’ Felicity laughed. ‘We’d better get on with rounds or Andrea will have our heads.’
‘Bagsy the puppy room,’ said Charlie, already on his way.
‘You got it. I’ll be there in a sec.’
Felicity sat down in a chair and took a few soothing breaths. It had been a while since she had thought about Jocelyn, her emotionally absent mother, and it always knocked the wind out of her. She still hadn’t decided if it was better to have emotionally distant parents or alcoholic ones or ones that only turn up after thirty years to see if you are still alive. Or perhaps no parents at all?
At the end of the shift, Andrea finally showed up. She accosted Felicity while she was having a sneaky last cuddle with the pups.
‘So, the thing is…’ she began.
Felicity gave Mike’s little snoot a boop. ‘You’re moving to Guernsey. With my father. And I need to start looking for a new job.’
‘How did you know what I was going to say?’
‘I can sense it. You have a different air about you already. Just please tell me you can take all these lovely little ones with you when you go.’
‘You’re being very calm about all this, Felicity.’
‘It’s hard not to be calm when you’re jiggling a puppy,’ she replied, nuzzling Mike’s tiny little body and letting his wiggles soothe her.
‘But you’re not okay really.’
‘I’m… not, not okay. I mean, I love this job, of course, but there are other jobs I guess. It’s just… I’m not sure what I’m going to do without you. Or Harry for that matter. I’ve only just found him.’
‘Well… That’s the thing.’
Felicity put Mike down in his box amongst the other little wiggling bodies and turned to face her boss.
‘What’s the thing?’ she said.
