Page 85 of The Day After Christmas
‘Bear with me. So… once you make corrugated cardboard, right, it’s super strong but if you try and rip the layers apart again it’s nearly impossible to do without leaving pieces behind.’
‘Okay…’
‘I mean, I think the teacher was trying to just encourage us all to become nuns or monks or something, but the point still stands, right?’
‘I’m not following.’
‘Once you’ve connected to someone like that it’s almost impossible to separate again. Or not without a whole world of pain.’
James folded his arms. ‘Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing,’ he said, a little sharply.
‘I’m not doing anything, I was just thinking out loud.’
James hopped down off the counter again and came towards her. He put a hand on either side of the counter where Felicity was standing and leaned in. She could smell his aftershave, his shampoo, his scent, and it was so distracting she almost lost her train of thought completely.Focus, Felicity.But it was too late.
‘I’m not letting you do this,’ he said. ‘Do you hear me?’
She tried to feign innocence and failed. His face was inches away now, and his eyes were flicking back and forth from her eyes to her lips. She had to look away again. Felicity had never been very good at eye contact.
‘Do what?’
‘Destroy us.’
‘I’m not.’
James sighed, long and low. ‘Do you remember what I said to you when we first got together? That I loved you and there was no way in hell I was ever going to let you go? Well, I meant it. And—’ Felicity went to interject but he held up a hand. ‘No, Brooks, wait. I know you have trust issues and I told you I would stick by you until you learnt to trust me, didn’t I? And I think we made good progress, all things considered, but now you’re trying to blow it all up because you’ve seen the damage that two people can do to each other more times in your life than anyone ever should and you’re trying to protect yourself from the same thing happening. Am I right?’
Felicity looked up at him. He actually had tears in his eyes. Her heart clenched in her chest at the sight.
‘You’re right,’ she said. ‘How the hell did you know that?’
He sighed again. ‘Because I get it. I’ve been there too, remember. I’ve had my heart ripped out and stamped on and when you’ve been through something like that and then you meet someone new it’s hard not to spend every day in absolute terror of it happening again.’
Felicity swallowed a lump in her throat and shook her head. ‘Seeing Bex and Adam today. Her face. My God, I never want to go through something like that.’
He inched closer to her. ‘I wouldneverdo that to you. I mean it. Never.’
‘I know that,’ she whispered. ‘I mean, my brain knows that rationally, like, you’re a good guy and we have something great here… but I’m still scared every single minute.’
‘I get that. And listen, right, if you really want me to go and leave you to turn into a proper Crazy Cat Lady, I will. I’ll do whatever you want me to do. I just want you to be happy.’
‘You’re making it very hard for me to concentrate right now,’ she breathed as he drew closer until he was a heartbeat from kissing her.
‘Tell me to go and I’ll go,’ he said, his lips millimetres from hers.
Her heart was thumping for different reasons now. ‘I don’t want you to go. It was a stupid wobble, that’s all.’
James bowed his head and she put her hands into his messy blond hair. He wrapped his arms around her waist and groaned with relief, pulling her to him.
‘Say that again,’ he mumbled into her chest.
‘It was a stupid wobble.’
‘Not that bit.’
‘Oh. I said I don’t want you to go.’
He let out a grim laugh and she could feel his body vibrate against hers. ‘Thank God. Please don’t scare me like that.’
