Page 36 of The Day After Christmas
How did she always get herself into these pickles?
For some reason that she couldn’t quite name, Felicity didn’t tell James at all in the end, which, as it turned out, was a bit of a mistake.
CHAPTER 19
House-hunting is not all it’s cracked up to be, thought Felicity two weeks later, as they wandered down the road after their fourth completely miserable traipse around a hovel masquerading as a place they were supposed to want to live in.
All those programmes on TV.All those times the people turn down an absolutely gorgeous house because the kitchen doesn’t have an island or thegarden doesn’t face west or whatever it might be. And we can’t even find one that doesn’t have rats, she thought.
‘Well, that was the most depressing one yet,’ said James, as they got into his vintage red Mustang, which had needed a run out. It looked ultra-cool but sounded like a jet engine and definitely wasn’t doing the environment any favours. They had to speak really loudly to have any chance of a conversation.
‘You’re telling me. Why do people think a bath in a bedroom is ever a good idea? Who the hell wants to have a bath in an enormous airy room to start with? Brrrrrrr.’ She mimed being cold. ‘And those potty individuals seem to have actually got rid of the existing bathroom to do it. Madness.’
‘To be fair I’d happily sit and watch you in the bath all day,’ said James.
Her body flushed with heat. ‘I do wish you wouldn’t say things like that while you’re driving,’ said Felicity, running a cheeky hand along his thigh.
James let out a yelp. ‘You really don’t want to do THAT while I’m driving, that’s for sure.’
‘Spoilsport.’ Felicity’s hand stilled but she didn’t remove it. James had always been really broad and muscly but his thighs were something else entirely. One of her favourite bits of him, in fact. If she was allowed a favourite bit.
‘Anyway, it wasn’t the bath in the bedroom that bothered me. It was the bizarre 1950’s kitchen that they’ve clearly ripped out of somewhere else and tried to bodge into the space. The house was only built a few years ago, why didn’t they just leave the one they had? How bad can it have been?’
‘And it smelt of mice droppings. Did you notice that?’
‘Well yes, there was that.’
Ten minutes later they were pulling up to the final viewing of the day. A little white painted cottage on the outskirts of town. Felicity’s pick, this time. She thought it had potential. James wasn’t so sure.
Waiting for them at the front gate was an extremely dapper-looking man with a perfectly groomed handlebar moustache. He was wearing a cravat and leaning on the bonnet of a long-nosed and very expensive-looking vintage Jaguar like something out of a comedy sketch show.
‘I’m always worried when the estate agent is doing better than I am,’ whispered James as they got out of the car. Felicity snorted.
‘Hello there,’ said the man in a nasally voice, introducing himself as “Quentin” of all things. ‘Ready to take a look at this little gem?’
‘You bet,’ said Felicity. It was a sweet-looking place, right along the road from one of their favourite pubs, with a little picket fence along the front and a large garden with a pond to the rear. Felicity had been studying the photos in great detail.
The estate agent couldn’t have been less bothered about the sale.
‘Er, yes, so here you have three bedrooms and a little upstairs office,’ he was saying as they walked along the path to the front door. When they arrived he stepped to one side.
‘You can go in first,’ said Felicity politely, waving a hand.
But he shook his head. ‘It’s not huge so I’ll just wait outside and you two head on in, okay?’ said Quentin, getting out an ancient-looking mobile phone and jabbing at some numbers to make a call.
‘Um, okay,’ said Felicity, ducking her head under the lintel and walking into the hallway.
‘That’s not a great sign,’ said James, following her in and closing the door behind him. ‘But at least we can take our time.’
They were standing in a narrow hallway. Doors led off in all directions and straight ahead of them was a poky staircase leading upwards. Quite a change from what they were used to but James was being very game about it.
‘Come on then, which way are we going first?’
Felicity felt a surge of excitement and started pushing doors open, shouting out the names of the rooms as she went as if James couldn’t spot a dining room or a kitchen for himself.
‘Ah, so this must be the lounge,’ she said pointlessly as they entered a reasonably-sized room on the left side of the hallway, full of oversized sofas.
‘What gave it away?’ said James with a chuckle, but Felicity ignored him.
