Page 98 of The Night Before Christmas
He grinned at her then, even as tears were on his cheeks, and Felicity gave a squeal and fell forward into his arms, giddy with relief. He held her tightly for a few seconds, and then she broke the hold so she could punch him hard on the arm.
‘You total git,’ she said, laughing through her own tears.
‘Sorry, that was really mean. But you deserved it. You don’t trust me!’
‘Of course I trust you,’ said Felicity but it came out a little bit squeaky.
Do I?she thought.
‘Okay, tell me honestly. Brutal truth. Did you or did you not wonder if I’d slept with my ex-girlfriend while I was in Japan?’
Felicity bit her lip. ‘I did.’
‘There you are then.’ James waved a hand as if to conclude the discussion.
‘But… to be fair, you did just bugger off and leave me.’
‘Hold on a moment, I didn’t have a choice, I had to go–’
‘I know you had to, but it was pretty sudden. And you didn’t even think of taking me with you.’
‘I assumed you needed to help Andrea. I didn’t think she’d let you go away again for at least a million more years.’
‘And also… I don’t trust anyone,’ she said suddenly, as if it had just occurred to her. Which, in a way, it had.
James looked up at her with wide eyes and put his hand on her knee. ‘Go on,’ he said, and his voice was so tender that the tears started to roll.
It’s time.
Felicity sniffed and wiped her hand across her face like a small child. James smiled and handed her a tissue from the box on the table.
‘You’re right. I don’t trust you. I’m so sorry. I don’t think I’ve ever trusted anyone,’ she said, taking it and balling it up in her hand. ‘And with good reason. I seem to be surrounded by people who can’t be trusted. As you can see.’
A large sob came out of nowhere and it took a few moments to regain the ability to speak.
‘My dad walked out when we were tiny. You know that. And I don’t know if you remember but I always thought he was the cheater. You know, because men.’
James winced, and then nodded.
‘But when I went to Guernsey… I met this couple. This lovely old couple who knew my family, told me all about it. In fact, the man… well, he knew my motherreallywell,as it happens.’
James raised an eyebrow.
‘Yup,’ said Felicity. ‘You got it. My mum, it turns out, was cheating on my dad. When he walked out, I guess he was justat the end of his tether. I feel so bad that I blamed him all these years, thinking he’d just been heartless, basically, when it was really both their faults. There was this picture of my mum at a party and she’s staring at the camera and ignoring my dad. I couldn’t work out why until I realised she was staring at the photographer.’
‘No!’
‘Yes. The photographer was having an affair with her. That was the guy I met. He’s really old now, but he clearly remembers her. Still loves her, I guess. His poor wife. She was so kind to me and all I’ve done is open up some really nasty old wounds…’
Felicity drew in a long breath.
‘I don’t think he was the only one,’ she said quietly. ‘When I look back now, I can remember lots of other men who I guess I’ve blocked from my memory. She was an absolute minx, I reckon.’
James looked impressed for a moment, until Felicity gave him a mock slap on the leg and he changed his expression back to one of polite listening.
‘After Dad left, things got way worse. I think I told you some of it. Mum let us down constantly. My brother couldn’t wait to get out of there. He went to live with my dad and left us all alone. She was never there for me when I needed her, so I had to learn to cope, to deal with stuff on my own. But it was bad. I mean, really bad. I had to get myself to school. I had to deal with puberty. Often I was dealing with basic things like, I don’t know, finding food. Sometimes mopping my own mother up off the floor.’
James gave her knee a squeeze.
