Page 89 of The Night Before Christmas
‘Oh, when I’m not with him, that’s a different matter. When I’m not with him, then I absolutely think everything is going to end up in flames and fire. Even today I’ve already decided he’s lied to me about ten or eleven vitally important things.’
Hattie wrinkled her brow. ‘Why is that, Felicity, do you think? Why might you be catastrophising this relationship already? What I mean by that is, foreseeing the worst possible outcome?’
‘That’s a great word.’
‘Thank you.’
‘Why am I catastrophising this?’ Felicity rolled the word around in her head as she thought. Then suddenly: ‘Because I don’t deserve to be happy.’ The words were out before she could filter them. ‘Or that’s what life has taught me so far. When things are going well, something is always just around the corner, about to bugger everything up.’
‘Can you give me an example?’
‘I… yes. I could give you about fifty, I reckon.’
Hattie pursed her lips. ‘Well, let’s start with one. You mentioned someone called Adam earlier. Who is Adam?’ said Hattie, crossing her legs and leaning back in her chair.
‘Ah… ’ said Felicity. ‘Now there’s a good example right there.’
CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
The following Saturday,Felicity – a new, and improved Felicity, she liked to think, one who was quick to forgive and generous enough to donate an ex-boyfriend to her best friend; a Felicity who was free of the past and refused to carry the weight of three years of guilt around with her anymore; yes,thatFelicity – elected to spend a luxurious Saturday morning in her PJs watching cartoons and eating cereal.
At lunchtime her phone buzzed.
James: Hey you, what you up to? J xx
Felicity grinned on reflex.
Hey yourself. I’m literally channelling my 12-year-old self. What about you? Xx
Intriguing. I’m watching cartoons in my pants. Is that too much information? xx
Me too! How funny!
Ooh, in your pants? Want some company? ;-)
Pyjamas, sorry to disappoint. But sure. Come on over.
PS. Bring pizza.
I’m on my way.
Later, they lay side by side in Felicity’s bed, looking up at the ceiling, hands clasped.
‘Jaaaaaaaaaaames…?’ said Felicity after a few minutes.
‘Yeeeeesssss?’
‘Can I ask you something?’
‘Well, I imagine you’re going to anyway.’
‘Yes, well, it’s just that I can’t help wondering how someone who works for GCHQ gets to have so much time off to help at an animal sanctuary.’
‘Ah.’
‘I mean, I hope you don’t mind me asking.’
‘I don’t mind you asking.’
