Page 149 of Traces Of You
“Hey,” Ford said. His ego just took a hit on how blind he was.
Or was it because he didn’t feel the same way and she never acted like anything other than an honorary little sister that he couldn’t see beyond it?
“He saw what you wanted him to see. What you thought he wanted you to be,” Reenie said, her head angled. “Women do that. I know. I’ve done it most of my life. You’ve been invisible to men, haven’t you?”
Lexi’s shoulders dropped, her eyes filled with tears. He hadn’t expected that reaction. Hadn’t seen her cry or be so emotional. Like a woman. She’d always acted like one of the guys. “You don’t know what it’s like.”
“I know exactly what it’s like,” she said gently. “To know that no one sees you. No one cares that does. And the ones that pay attention to you might be for the wrong reasons.”
Lexi shook her head. “You’re lying. You’ve got Ford. The minute you stepped foot here, that’s all he’s seen. You’re no different than me. We almost dress alike. I know because I went through your clothes weeks ago when I saw your car at the cabin. We look alike too. Our hair and eyes. I don’t understand. Why you and not me?” Her hand hit her chest in frustration.
“That’s right,” she said. “It’s me. It’s always been me for him. And you can’t control those things. You can’t control attraction and emotions toward one person over another. I knew it twenty years ago.” She turned to look at him. “I knew it and I didn’t let you know the same. I couldn’t. I know it hurt you.”
“You had no control back then,” he said, reaching his hand out for hers. She slipped hers in and threaded their fingers together.
“I did,” she said. “I could have opened up more but didn’t want to hurt you. You were going to be upset anyway, why add to it? I was used to it. You didn’t deserve any of it.”
“That’s right,” Lexi said, crossing her arms. “He didn’t deserve it. Or you. He could have died and it’s your fault he’s hurt! If he just saw me all along, none of this would have happened. Why not me, Ford?”
“Because I was always looking for Reenie and didn’t know it. And you never told me how you felt,” he said. “Ever.”
“So you could laugh at me?” Lexi asked. She was blinking tears out of her eyes and wiping them on the hem of her shirt she’d lifted.
“I wouldn’t have. And if you think that, then you don’t know me as well as you thought you did.”
“But you thought if you scared me again, that I’d leave,” Reenie said. “That after everything that happened to me, if Icame back here and thought the one place that was safe wasn’t, I’d leave town again and you’d get your shot at Ford.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Lexi said. Her eyes were darting all over the room, but not making contact with anyone.
Clay held up the white Tic Tac. “You dropped this when you climbed through the window. It probably fell out of your pocket.”
“Do...do you think I’m the only one who eats them?” Lexi asked. She never hesitated over her words in the past.
“You’re the only one who carries them loose in your pocket and have your whole life,” Ford said. “But I’m sure if I call my men out here and have them dust for prints, we’d find yours.”
That was when Lexi’s face paled. She’d just admitted she was in the cabin weeks ago going through Reenie’s things but couldn’t think clearly to say that. “You could have died because of Maureen. And then I’d never have a chance for you to see me like I see you. If she left, I could have been there for you. To help you through it and you’d see me and what I’ve felt.”
“Reenie has nothing to do with that,” he said. “I could die any day I go into work. Any of us can.”
He was looking at Reenie.
They’d had this discussion already. He didn’t need her worrying about this.
For her to have any thoughts in her head.
She already put the blame on herself for his injury.
“We can,” she said. “That’s life. We all have to take responsibility for our actions too. That’s something I’m doing going forward.” She turned to Lexi. “I’m sorry that you think this is my fault. Maybe I’ve thought it some too. But I also know deep down I couldn’t control it. But you, you could have decided not to take your frustration out on me. You could have talked to Fordlike an adult one on one and let him know at any point. You have to live with those choices, just like I’m going to live with mine.”
Reenie turned to leave, and Ford went after her. This wasn’t about Lexi’s jealousy or whatever misplaced feelings she’d been harboring. Feelings he hadn’t asked for and didn’t return. If Lexi thought he hadn’t seen her before, she’d be invisible now. After what she’d done, he’d never look at her the same again.
This was about the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.
Clay would fire Lexi, he knew that. He didn’t have to stay to witness it. He didn’t have to take care of it either.
It wasn’t all about him having to do it. To be the one to save her. To be the one to help her.
It was them helping themselves and supporting each other. Letting more than each other in to do it too.
