Page 78 of Tell Me Your Desires
“Mm.” Anya flipped open a folder, uninterested in small talk. She was eager to get started on the case before Kate brought in her team. However, her curiosity was piqued as to who had replaced her as the new profiler.
“Come on, Anya. I’m giving you what you want. The least you can do is have a conversation with me, maybe some takeout, and introduce me to whoever this Derek is.”
Anya took her glasses off and sat back. “This isn’t a social call, Special Agent in Charge Sullivan. The last time I had twenty-four hours to come up with a profile, six agents were killed. Jaime is in the hospital because of me. Her shooter is still out there. Five other women are dead because of me. Their killer is still outthere. Taylor’s killer is still out there. If you came here thinking we’d rekindle the past, you’ve wasted your time.”
“Of course not,” Kate said, her voice dripping with anger. “I hear I have to pay for it these days.” The look of immediate regret on Kate’s face did little to ease Anya’s irritation. “I-I didn’t mean that.”
“Yes, you did. You clearly did it to cause pain and humiliation. But here’s the thing, Kate. There isnothingshameful about what I do. I’m an adult woman who isveryselective about the other adult women I choose to have consensual interactions with.”
“And the cop? Is she one of those women?”
“Is that relevant?” Anya countered, even as her heart broke. She didn’t want to deny caring about Jaime, but if Kate intended to use that information against Jaime, Anya didn’t want to give her the ammunition. Then again, if they were right and the UNSUB had videos of Lady A, including ones with Jaime, this would be the perfect time to expand her favor.
“Call it… old-time’s sake curiosity.”
Anya raised an eyebrow as she studied Kate for the first time since reuniting with her. She was still as beautiful as ever. A few more lines adorned her face, and more gray hairs speckled her usually brunette hair than Anya expected, but she supposed that was normal with such a stressful job. It was Kate’s eyes that surprised her the most. They weren’t as warm and golden brown as they used to be. Now, they seemed to be…cold. Not unfriendly, just unhappy.
“Fine. For old-time’s sake.” Anya pinched the bridge of her nose. “Yes. Jaime and I are together.”
“T-together? As in, she’s not just someone who…”
“Who paid for me?” Anya stood abruptly. “You know, I think I will order some takeout.” She needed a moment to rein in her annoyance. There was no way in hell she would give Kate thesatisfaction of knowing she was getting to her. Anya took out her phone and ordered a few dishes. “Done. We have about forty-five minutes to work before the food gets here. You still like Thai food, right?”
“Anya, I hate Thai food.”
“Oh. Right. Well, I’m sure you’ll find something to eat from the dishes I ordered if you’re hungry enough.” Anya smiled sweetly as she pressed the button on Derek’s feeder. “Or you could share with Derek.” Derek jumped on the counter with exaggerated meows before burying his face in his food bowl. “Oops. Well, I guess he’s not sharing. Thai it is.”
“I’m not sure where to begin,” Kate said. “I guess another apology would be the best place to start. Followed by knowing you know I hate Thai and understanding why you’re punishing me. Obviously, I’m still on you and Jaime being… together. And lastly, Derek is a cat. I never took you for a cat person.”
“I’m a lesbian. Of course, I’m a cat person.”
“You’re a sadist.”
“That’s why I get paid the big bucks.” Anya took a piece of sashimi, dipped it in soy sauce and wasabi, and popped it into her mouth. “But I’m not trying to kill you before I solve this case, and most Thai dishes I like have peanuts,” she said once she no longer had a mouthful. Anya turned the page of the file she was reading, deciding to start with the cold cases that Max had come across.Ifthey were connected to this case, she would see the pattern. Even in the changes, there would be a thread. And Anya would pull that thread until she found the person at the end.
“Thank you for remembering I’m allergic to peanuts.” Kate sipped her water. “Those cold cases are a waste of time, Anya. We should be focusing on your case.”
Anya looked up to see Kate staring at her. “You focusing on me is a waste of time, Kate. You should be helping me read through these files.”
“I am. I will. I swear you’ll have my undivided attention on all of this. I-I just need to tell you why I put you on the Hotwatch list.”
Anya shook her head. “I don’t care.” And that was true. Anya’s mind was focused on the case and getting back to Jaime. Whatever reason Kate had for putting Anya on some watch list didn’t matter.
“Yeah, you’ve made that painfully obvious.” Kate pushed her plate to the side and wiped her mouth with her napkin. “And I’m not saying I don’t deserve everything you’re throwing at me. I do. But I know you, or at least I know how you work. Giving you twenty-four hours with these files means my team will be hitting the ground running once they land. That, along with…everything else, I fear this is the only time I will have to say what I need to say.”
Anya sat back in her seat, focusing on Kate with her arms crossed over her chest. A part of her felt guilty for being unfriendly to the woman she once shared a life with. Then she remembered the betrayal, and that guilt evaporated. “Everything else, meaning Jaime?”
“There was no hesitation in your voice when you told me you were together. In fact, I’d venture to say you were…proud. You never sounded like that when you were with me.”
Anya scoffed. “You didn’t allow it, Kate. You insisted that no one knew we were in a relationship. If anyone even joked about us being more than just partners, you’d laugh and say I wasn’t your type. That I was too stiff and serious.” She sat up, leaningher elbows on the table, a sly smile on her face. “If they only knew, huh? How many of our old team are left, Kate? Do you think they’ll figure out by my current profession thatIwasn’t the stiff, serious one? I was just the one you didn’t want. Despite all my training, Istillcan’t understand why you were with me and told me you loved me.”
Tears filled Kate’s eyes, but to her credit, she managed not to let them fall. The nagging sensation of guilt pricked at the back of Anya’s mind once more.
“Ididlove you,” Kate began. “If you believe anything I say, please believe that. I fell for you the moment I saw you. Even when the jealousy kicked in, I still loved you.”
Anya frowned. “Jealousy? What on earth were you jealous of, Kate? I only had eyes for you! I neveroncestrayed!”
“It was never about other women, Anya. It was me. I created this asinine competition in my head.” Kate sighed heavily as if this wasn’t something shewantedto say, but rather something sheneededto say. “Everything was falling into place for you so quickly. Everyone trusted you and sought you out for the most important cases, but I…I felt like I was being left behind while you flourished. Instead of working to improve myself, I did the cowardly thing and blamed you. As much as I loved you, I resented you.”
