Page 1 of Tell Me Your Desires
Chapter One
“Another scotch.”Jaime Baros lifted her glass, eyeing the bartender. She knocked back the amber liquid, slamming it down on the bar as she slid it toward him. “Make it a double.”
“You doing okay?” Her partner, Max Fraser, eyed Jaime. Aware that one wrong word could have her blow in seconds, he paused before he said, “You’re knocking them back pretty quickly.”
“Am I okay?” Jaime scoffed. “Why wouldn’t I be okay?”
Max shifted on his stool, fixing his suit jacket. Jaime hated when he asked a question but shied away from her response. He needed to grow a pair of balls and deal with the consequences. Wasn’t that what Jaime had done over the last two years? Deal with it when the shit hit the fan?
“I…worry about you.”
Jaime lifted her fresh whiskey and sipped it painfully slow. She knew she was in a mood tonight, but Max fell right into her trap time and time again. Instead of leaving Jaime in peace, he preferred to suffer while he watched her drink. “Satisfied?”
Max ruffled his hair and blew out a breath. They’d been partners for the last five years. Jaime loved him like a brother, but she wouldnotbe good company tonight. Knowing Jaime theway he did, Max should have been aware of that. “I’m going to head off. Rosanna is expecting me home in the next thirty.”
“Night.” Jaime turned on her stool and faced the bar. If Max needed to get home to his wife, she wouldn’t stop him. Without his beady eye on her, Jaime could concentrate on her whiskey. “Say hi to Rosanna for me. And the kids.”
“She’s…making dinner.”
Jaime smiled as she nodded. No shit. Rosanna was the perfect wife and the perfect mother. Max didn’t have to lift a finger when he got home each night. There was a time when Jaime was in a similar position… “Nice.”
“Why don’t you come back with me? She always makes more than we can handle, and I know she’d love to see you, J.”
“Thanks, but I have a meal for one to get home to.” Jaime didn’t have the strength to sit around eating a family dinner with her partner’s wife and kids. Small talk was the bane of her existence and wasn’t on the agenda tonight. What was the point?
“Come on.” He nudged her as he took his cell from the bar. “Before you do any more damage, come back with me.”
Jaime inhaled a deep breath, exhaling it slowly through her nose. “Fraser, that’s really kind, but I can’t. Just…let it go, okay?”
“Okay. Don’t say I didn’t try.” Max slid from the stool and squeezed Jaime’s shoulder. “I’ll see you in the morning. Get yourself home and sleep.”
“Sure, Pops!”
Jaime watched him leave, disappointed that this was where she had ended up. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Her life…wasn’t supposed to resembleanyof this.
Jaime had tried hard to piece herself back together over the last two years, but when this particular date came around…her world crumbled, and the only solace she found was at the bottom of a bottle. Maybe two.
For one night a year, she hit rock bottom when the pain infiltrated her every thought and emotion. Only this time, she’d started a day early. Tomorrow was supposed to be ‘the big day,’ yet here she was, allowing the past to consume her sooner than she would have liked. Jaime could block it out, could refuse to give in to her demons, but she’d learned to accept defeat. She wasn’t as strong as she thought. No, she was just another detective sitting in a bar while she drank away her problems. Every county had one—Jaime was the stereotype around here. Yet, she would still pick herself up and focus on her job because that’s what she did.
You need to sort your shit out. This isn’t healthy!
She threw down some bills and slid from her stool. She could sit and drink, waiting to be thrown from the bar at closing, or go home and sleep away this awful night. Jaime knew what she wanted to do, but the idea of waking with a throbbing headache didn’t appeal to her. She had to be focused, determined. Perhaps Max had inadvertently reminded her of that as he encouraged her to go home. His squeeze of her shoulder was usually a silent plea.
The humidity hit Jaime as she stepped out onto the sidewalk. She patted herself down, checking she had everything she’d gone inside the bar with, then took a left towards her apartment. As she approached the intersection, the bright lights of the local liquor store caught her attention. And not for reasons related to alcohol.
Jaime rarely walked this way, usually opting to take the longer route home. But since she was already torturing herself, it only felt right to come this way tonight. She crossed the street, stopping as she stared down at the sidewalk. Her throat constricted as she crouched and pressed her fingertips to the warm concrete.
With her jaw clenched and her nostrils flared, Jaime swallowed down her emotions. “God, I miss you.” She forced her hand against the wall and took a breath, dropping her head on her shoulders. This had to stop. The longing, the need for things to be different. Because theyweren’tdifferent.
She’s gone. Nothing you do can change that.
She peered down the alley to the side of the store, only darkness as far as the eye could see. Startled as a car drove by and honked its horn, Jaime almost lost her balance. She always felt on edge when she stopped at this corner, but putting herself in a situation that pained her seemed to be what Jaime did best.
With a sense of emptiness sitting deep in her chest, Jaime got to her feet and removed her suit jacket. She slung it over her shoulder and took the short walk toward her apartment. Dwelling on the past was ruining her life. Things had to change.
Jaime tappedher foot to the ticking of the clock on the kitchen wall. Four in the morning, and she was wide awake. She’d managed five hours, opting to fall asleep on the couch while she watched Taylor’s favorite movie. A sappy rom-com Jaime used to roll her eyes at, but one she would give anything to watch with Taylor again.
They’d get comfortable with snacks, end up tangled in blankets, and lie on one another until they couldn’t keep their eyes open any longer. Then Jaime would practically carry Taylor to bed, spooning her and protecting her from anything they could potentially face. Taylor used to laugh that it was a perk of being with a cop—always feeling safe in their arms—but Jaime had never wanted to be in a situation where Tayloractuallyneeded protecting. She’d hate to think she’d put the woman she loved in danger for simply doing her job.
