Page 67 of This I Know
“What do you mean?”
“He’s just so beautiful. I’m not sure I’ll be able to eat dinner in his presence. I’ll be too distracted.”
“Oh, get over it, Mara. Looks aren’t everything, you know.”
She ignores me. “He even looks like he’d even smell good.” I can tell she’s thinking about it, staring off. “…Does he smell good?”
“Oh, yes. So good.”
We laugh.
After Mara leaves, I grab my phone and send Ethan a text.
hey. want to do something?
It’s a shot in the dark, but I might as well be the first to offer. Aren’t girls supposed to step up these days, anyway?
My phone chimes a few second later. I grab it a bit too eagerly. Then, once I read the message, my face falls.
I’d love to, but I’ve got a family thing.
Well, that excitement was short lived.
I set it back down. A minute later, my phone rings again. It’s another text message, and it’s Ethan again.
i can be done by 6. does that work?
I smile. I guess the guy’s genuine, after all. And after I send him an answer, I lay back and keep the smile on my face. This feels good. I’ve been so distracted, and so scared, that I’d forgotten what all this felt like – the normal, fluttery feelings of adolescence attraction.
Ethan Harrington likes me.Me.He asked me out. I’m his girlfriend. He’s my boyfriend.Ethan Harrington.
I don’t know if what’s happening between us will last. But this I do know: I want it to, I hope it does, and if he never left my side, that would be perfectly fine with me.
Ethan
That “family thing” just so happened to be going to the prison to visit my dad. Which is basically the complete opposite of a family thing. It’s ananti-family thing …. at least when it comes to normal households, and ours doesn’t qualify.
I didn’t tell her this, though, because that would involve her knowing the truth about my dad and me. I plan to tell her. I do. I mean, I know I’ll have to. But the time has to be right. And quite honestly, the thought of it terrifies me completely.
Of course I wanted to see her the second I saw her text pop up on my phone. It was a relief to see a message from someone other than Julia or Cole, although after what happened at the party the other night, I wouldn’t be surprised if I never hear from either of them again.
And I haven’t since that night. Still, I can’t help but go over in my mind what I’d say to her if she were to confront us, or Avery alone, like I warned her not to. I’m sure she’s thought about it, and it’s funny that she’d compared herself to Cole, because I wouldn’t put anything past her.
I was still in bed when my phone rang. It was early, for me, at least – I live for sleeping in on the weekends, and I’m usually not seen anytime before ten. I saw Avery’s text and then I jumped out of bed. Downstairs, my mom was already in her typical style, awake and busy, and she confirmed that, yes, wewerein fact scheduled to meet with my dad today. Both of us.
It’s a necessary evil of the judicial system, the need to get certain things straightened out and clarified before the court proceedings. Like paternity, and proof of marriage to my mom, and a million other things you’d never think necessary but totally are. And that’s why my mom has to join me. Okay, so we don’thaveto. I mean, no one has to do anything in situations like this. But if I can be relied upon as a trustworthy witness, the lawyers say there are certain pieces of information I need to provide.
So now, I put on my jacket. What a way to spend a weekend. But at least my least favorite way to spend a weekend will be countered by my favorite way – I’ll get to see her tonight.
“You ready?” says my mom when I step into the living room. I gather my wallet that’s sitting on coffee table.
“Ready,” I answer. It’s a lie. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for this.
She holds both of my shoulders. “We can do this.”
I rush out the prison doors and move to the side of the building. The sun hits the back of my neck. I hold one hand against the building’s red brick wall and lean over, clutching my stomach with the other.
I feel like throwing up.
