Page 102 of This I Know
He reaches my waist and wraps his hand around it, crawling his fingers toward my back. He’s touching me like I’m his, like I belong to him and I have no other choice.
I feel sick.
I press against his chest, feeling the layer of sweat penetrating through his shirt. “And I’m sure that’s all you miss,” I say sarcastically, trying to keep things as lighthearted as possible.
“Come on,” he continues. “Let me in. I just want to talk to you again. You know, not like this – like we used to talk.”
He leans in closer.
And closer.
Please, Cole. As much as I never wanted to pass your name through my lips ever again – please, Cole, don’t see through me right now. Don’t see how much I’m shuddering inside with fear.Because I’ve been playing off the strong, healed heroine for far too long to let my guard down now.
“No, Cole.” I push harder against him. Maybe if I can push hard enough, I can send him right out the door, back the way he came.
He finally backs off, not due to my strength but out of frustration. It’s obvious in his eyes, which are now enraged and locked into mine with an unstoppable force. They’ve got me. I want to look away, but I can’t; if I do, he might make a move. How does he still manage to have this kind of power over me?
“Jesus, Avery. I’m here. I’m trying to say I’m sorry. What more do you want?”
“Well, Idon’twant you to say you’re sorry. I don’t know what I want, but I don’t want anything from you.”
His stare intensifies, the furrow between his brows growing. He scoffs. “There, you said it yourself. You don’t know what you want.”
Ishouldchoose my words carefully right now, but I don’t. I let loose. “…because you’re not sorry,” I say, shaking my head. “You’re not sorry. And you better believe I know more than that; I know that if I were to take you back right now, tomorrow you’d be treating me like shit again. And I know I deserve better than that.”
He shrugs. “You know that now, huh? And you couldn’t tell me this a few months ago?”
I nod carefully. “Yes, I do, and no, I couldn’t.” I cross my arms. “I was … immature back then.”
He frowns and nods, then he turns with a slight wobble. His back is now facing me and I can see marks of sweat running down his spine.
I’ve never been so happy to see someone leave in my entire life. This means I’ve won. He may not understand what I said – in fact, I’m sure he doesn’t – but at least he’s accepted it. I’ve finally stood up to Cole Ebbs, like everyone told me to do for so long, and they were right. That’s all I needed to do.
I look down and begin closing the door. Part of me wants to slam it, to show him I’m boss. But I don’t try to slam it; I move respectfully, and that’s exactly where my error lies.
Without warning, my entire body jolts backwards. I hear a thud and I bring my hand to my face as the bitterness of raw pain shoots through my nose.
I should have slammed the door.
I’m on the ground – the worst place for me to be.
I should have slammed the door.
His hands work their way up my neck. He slides his drunken body on top of me, easily overpowering my every pathetic attempt to defend myself.
God, I should have slammed the door.
He collapses onto me, using his mass as a means of control, and it takes the breath out of me. He lays his head against my collarbone, his hot breath hitting the most provocative area of my skin. He strokes my chin with one finger.
I pull my chin up and away from him. I don’t care that it won’t do anything, really – I just want to get away from him in any way possible. My breath is heaving, but I still think his might be faster. I can feel his massive weight against me and the movement of his chest against mine as we breath almost in synch, and a tear forms in the corner of my eye. There’s only one other person I ever want to feel this physically connected to, and it’s certainly not Cole, and not in a situation even remotely resembling this one.
Cole rises up, still keeping my wrists firmly pinned to the ground. He looks down at me, his damp hair falling down over his forehead and his eyes piercing. He grits his teeth. “I should do what that guy failed to do the first time around. Right here. Right now.”
Please, not again. If you’re going to hurt me, at least let me lose time again. I don’t want to remember this time around. I thought I did, but I don’t.
My hands claw.
His hands clutch me tighter, his large fingers wrapping completely around the seemingly tiny bones of my wrists. He’s so much stronger than me and he always has been.
