Page 101 of This I Know
It’s the other him.
ThehimI’ve spent the last few months trying to forget even existed.
Thehimwho left me there that night, all alone, so cold and vulnerable.
It’s thehimwho if he had never been in my life in the first place, I would have been better off.
The smile drops from my face. My hand drops, too, leaving the comforting hold of the door and falling to the side of my bare leg.
He’s gazing at me with those stiff, piercing eyes, the ones that are the complete opposite of Ethan’s in every way.
I feel like shuddering. And for a moment, I feel like slamming the door in his face and running away, back down the hallway to my mom’s bedroom; then, slamming that door, too. Just for good measure.
“Avery,” Cole says.
His voice is that of a stranger. Somewhere deepdown, that raspy, sultry voice is familiar, but that familiarity is coming from a place that I won’t ever allow to reemerge.
I swallow before gathering the courage to speak to him. “What are you doing here?”
He takes a step forward, reaching out his hand and supporting himself against the doorframe. He’s unsteady on his feet and his words are loose. “I want to see you. Isn’t that okay?”
I take hold of the door once again, blocking him in a nonverbal message that he better not try to come in. It’s a message I doubt he’ll get. He was always thick-headed like that.
But at least this time there’s confidence in my actions while I try to push past the slight shakiness I’m getting from my fingers. My only response is to grip the door harder.
“No, that’s not okay,” I say. “You can’t just show up at my house like this. And are youdrunk?” I roll my eyes.
He moves closer to peek past my head into the house, his large figure looming over me as he does so. “Your mom here?”
I step forward, a movement which pushes him back a little. I want him to know I’m not the same girl I was when I was when I was with him. He can’t walk all over me anymore. “She’s out.”
“I heard about you and Ethan,” he says, almost before I finish speaking. “You go for the new kids now, huh?”
I don’t answer. In fact, I look away from him, and I’m pretty sure that makes him mad.
“Don’t you think he’s weird?” Cole goes on. “Always keeping quiet and shit.”
I sigh. “What are you talking about, Cole? You and me, we’ve been over since that night in your truck. It’s done. Don’t you want to move on, too?”
“We’re never over, Avery. We do this all the time. This fighting and not talking and shit. This was just the longest one.” He reaches out, extending his arm as though he wants to touch me.
He’s got some nerve thinking he can have anything to do with me anymore, let alone touch me.
I recoil in disgust. “Cole,” I say again. “What do you think you’re doing? How the hell did you even get here?” I look past him to see if he came with anyone. There’s no one else there.
He doesn’t answer.
I shake my head. “You shouldn’t be here. In fact, I think I want you to leave.”
The side of his head falls against the doorframe. “Come on, Avie. I know you’re upset, but can’t we just talk about what happened? That’s all I want to do.”
I sputter a laugh. “Now? You want to talk about that now? After all these weeks? Sorry, you’re only a month or two late.” I start to shut the door. I don’t care if it hits him in the nose or if it pisses him off to the level of Scary Cole. I just don’t want to see his smug, abusive, know-it-all face anymore.
In one swift motion, he stops the door with his hand. It lands loudly, and I can see the muscles and veins bulging from his fit forearm. He leans forward again, closing the short space between us. This time, I catch a smell of the faint scent of alcohol on his breath.
He cocks his head to the side. “I just–” he sighs. “I just miss you, Avie. You know? You were such a sexy dancer.” He reaches a hand out again, this time heading toward my waist. “I miss the way you feel.”
I want to push him away, but I’ve frozen in place, watching each movement in slow motion.
