Page 59 of This I Know
Cole leans back in his chair. He taps the glass tabletop with his arm that’s slung across the table. “Well, I missed you, is all. And–” he leans forward, “I’m sorry that happened to you. And I hope we can still be friends. Because I do miss you, Avery. Come on. You know that.”
Humph. That was as close as I’m going to get to an apology, I’m sure. And isn’t that just like him? To infer that I know where his affection stands without ever actually having told me?
I catch a glimpse of Ethan. He’s wandered back to the opposite side of the deck and is talking to Julia Crane. She’s got her fake, lilting smile on and she’s giggling at whatever he’s saying.
I wish I still had the sense of clarity to be that carefree.
“I know everything’s too fucked up now.” Cole goes on, causing me to turn my attention back. He leans even further forward, closing the space between us. “But I want you to know you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
Somehow, I gather the strength to stand. My knees are still wobbly, so I hoist myself up with the help of the table.
“You’re right,” I say. Now that I know what he wanted to say, I’m calmer, and it shows in my steady voice. “I was the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”
His back hits the back of the chair again, I think in a state of shock.
“But things are too fucked up now,” I go on. “You were right about that, too.” I take a deep breath. “And this is the last time you’ll talk to me. I never want to speak to you again, Cole. I mean that.”
I turn on my heel as fast as I can without risking losing my balance. I leave my drink on the table, but I don’t even care. I’m proud of myself right now.
I don’t know where I’m going – this stomping away is just for show – but I’m cherishing the beauty in this moment. There were so many times that I wanted to stand up to him like this but didn’t have the courage to do it. I have that courage here. He can’t hurt me here, in the midst of all these people, and there’s nothing he can do about what I just said. And if he tries–
Someone grabs my elbow from behind.
I jump.
“Woah, easy there,” says Ethan. “Sorry I grabbed you. You were moving so fast.” He lets go. “I thought I saw a blur of Avery pass by.”
I take a quick look back; Cole’s no longer at the table. I don’t care where he went. I just hope he knows I meant what I said.
I never want to speak to you again.My mom will be one happy camper.
I sigh. It’s a relief to see Ethan. “That’s okay,” I say.
He nods in Cole’s former direction. “What was that about?”
“Nothing.” I gather my clutch closer to my body. I hope Ethan doesn’t notice that I left so fast that I forgot to take my drink with me.
“Nothing.” Ethan shrugs. “Well, want to do nothing with me?”
And for the first time all night, I smile.
We walk together out into the grass of James Connor’s back yard. Ethan doesn’t care that I no longer have my drink, and I don’t care that I can still tell he’s drinking soda.
“You seemed pretty upset back there,” he says as we walk.
“I was.”
He tips his head in front of my path. “Want to vent?”
I sigh. “Not really.”Please, Ethan. Please just understand it would make everything worse right now.
“I get it,” he says carefully.
“You do?” I’m somewhat surprised. Does he really get it, or is he just saying that to be nice?
“I do. Let’s not talk about it then.” He swipes the air. “It’s off limits.”
I smile to myself.
