Page 41 of In Frame
“Hell no. Ilikedbeing on the wrestling team, being cool with everybody, having friends. Couldn’t say anything and make it all weird.” Jason sighed. “When I did publicly come out as bi…and that wasn’t until after the third John Kill movie, when I got so sick of hiding, and I was dating a guy I really liked, and I just thought, fuck it, why not…it did get weird. I won’t say it didn’t. Not exactly outright backlash, but a lot of speculation, a lot of jokes, fewer roles because I just wasn’t quite what they were looking for…” His tone turned remembered rejection into wryness. “Plus the guy in question broke up with me over rumors about me and an ex-girlfriend getting back together, sothat was fun.”
“Everything’s a story,” Leo said. “Certainly John Kill being into men was. I remember that. The media had a field day.” And he himself had been in bed with a photographer the previous night. Not even a respectable photographer. The tabloid kind. The shrieking scandal sheet kind.
He couldn’t quite look at Jason.
Colby reappeared, buried behind enough food to sustain an entire film production. Brandy-infused homemade whipped cream and cinnamon poached pears drifted in golden serenity above richly-browned French toast. American-style bacon had also happened, which made Leo want to laugh. So had coffee, with tiny accompanying pots of cream and sugar. “Is that enough, or should I do something with the eggs and plain toast as well?”
“Baby,” Jason said, “cream puff, love of my life, Colby, sit down. Leo doesn’t need you to feed him an entire restaurant menu.”
“Leo might,” Leo protested. “Have you seen what your other half can do with a quiche? Of course you have. You live with him. Which is unfair to the rest of us. Look at all of that, Colby, you’re a wizard.” The last came out around a mouthful of pear and French toast and whipped cream.
“If I were a wizard,” Colby said, amused, “my chocolate soufflés would always come out flawless. I can promise you they don’t. Jason knows.”
“They tasted great,” Jason countered, stabbing a pear with barbarian-warrior muscular precision, “no matter what they looked like. Anyway the second round came out perfect. Look, Leo, I’m not saying it’s gonna be easy. But it can also be awesome. Being yourself, owning that. And we’re here for you.”
“I know you’re here.” Leo devoured another cloudlike bite of heaven. “Also I might never leave your flat, just so you know.Moving in. Eating all your food.”
“I do rather wonder what a Seal of Sexuality Approval would look like.” Colby poured cream into coffee, watched the swirl with the delight of a Renaissance polymath contemplating art, finally took a sip. “It would simply say we approve of everyone, of course. No one left out. And there’d be lots of rainbows. And something shimmery. Leo, as Jason said, it’s all right to not have a label, or simply to not know yet. I did, when I was fairly young, but that’s not a guarantee of anything at all working out; clearly so, considering my personal terrible choices in men before Jason. So you’re perhaps better off.”
Leo tried to say something about Colby’s taste in men, was busy basking in a mouthful of brandied pear and sugar, and just pointed at Colby’s hair instead.
Colby blinked at him, baffled.
“Mmmph,” Leo said, and swallowed. “You deserve to haveallthe sex hair.”
“My…hair?” Colby put a hand up to touch a stray wave. “Oh, dear. How bad is it?”
“I love your hair,” Jason said.
“That’s not a no,” Leo pointed out. “Youweretotally having the sex before I got here. Er. Sorry about that.”
Colby set down the coffee.
“I mean, I can leave,” Leo said. A final bite of pear shuffled itself away from his fork, abashed on his behalf. “You reallyhavehelped. Both of you.” True.
“Leo.” Jason did the worried heroic eyebrows again. “It’s not a problem. We mean that.”
“I could get out of your way and let you get ready for the hordes, over at the hotel. I don’t mind.”
“How long have we known each other?” Colby said. “Since, oh, whenever we didThe Far Cry ofGuns, not that we shared all that many scenes…still, it’s been a decent amount oftime. And you were such fun to be around when we did press. I remember that, you know. I was awfully new to this, and you’d been working steadily for at least a few years by then, and you made people laugh and enjoy themselves even during the longest days. I always admired that.”
“Youwhat?” Leo said. “Oh dear God. Colby…no, sorry, go back to the part whereyouadmiredme. Say it again.”
Colby’s eyes were steady, holding his. “I will if you want. Having you around was important—youareimportant. So thank you for that. I should’ve told you that much earlier, I suspect. I’m sorry.”
Jason, at that last, cocked an eyebrow Colby’s direction. Colby scrunched up that nose at him. “Yes, all right, but I’m allowed to say it when I’m genuinely in the wrong. And I am. Leo, we’re here for whatever you need. Just say the word. Whatever you want.”
Leo, perplexed by generosity, opened his mouth, shut it, tried for refuge in flippancy. “Such a dangerous offer…what if I ask you for a person-sized lemon tart or a hand-knitted scarf or a castle…Jason, help. He’s apologizing to me. Not that I don’t love it, but, honestly. Him.Me.”
“I don’t in fact know how to knit,” Colby mused, momentarily thoughtful. “I could learn. I might be able to acquire the castle, at least for a weekend.”
“Colby,” Jason said, “you remember what we said. And you agreed. We’ll talk about it later. But, Leo, he’s right about us being here for you. What do you want to do?”
“I don’t know!” Leo picked up a piece of bacon and stabbed it at him. “I don’t know. I want—I want to help him. Sam. I want to kiss him. I want him to not do what he does for a living, and I know he’s good at it, and I hate it, and I want to meet his family, and I want to see him smile when I buy another pillow shaped like a fish. I want to fall asleep feeling him nextto me again. I want to tell my parents about him, which means I have to tell them I’m…something. Whatever I am. But I want all of that. If he does. I don’t know what he wants.” He wobbled the bacon around futilely. “I want him to be happy. What was it Colby agreed to, again?”
“That one’s rather an ongoing order,” Colby said, so mildly that the word didn’t register for a moment. “I’m trying to work on what Jason calls the unnecessary sort of apologies. And our therapist understands kink and power dynamics and the way orders sometimes help me remember, because I want to listen. But that doesn’t meanneverapologizing, and I do want to show you I mean it. The castle might be a bit over the top, but then again I’m fairly sure it’d only take a phone call or two…”
“I don’t need a castle!”
