Page 54 of Clean Hack
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Why Deny How I Feel?
Lucy
I couldn’t believe how tired I felt. I hadn’t gotten everything out and though I sensed he wanted to know more, he didn’t push me. Everything felt heavy and almost ached. My head. My skin. My soul. Even my heart. My lids were heavy and as his fingers continued to stroke through my hair from root to tip, I could think of nothing else but giving into the sleepy feeling.
“Luce?” His voice came out like a whisper and I could tell he was checking to see if I had fallen asleep on him.
Believe me, I wanted to. I felt like I couldn’t get close enough to this man and with one simple touch, he dulled the weighing thoughts that plagued me.
“Hmmm?” I responded not wanting to move enough to open my mouth.
“Should I put you to bed?”
I nodded, just barely. His body shook with silent laughter. Then he wrapped his arms around me, squeezing me once, before shifting so he could pick me up in his arms. I tightened my hold around his neck. He carried me in his strong arms to the bedroom. Once there, he gently lowered me down to the bed. I was reluctant to let go, but I did. My eyes remained closed but I felt him shift away from me.No, I thought because I didn’t want him to leave.
“I’m not ready to let you go yet,” I mumbled in a sleepy daze.
“You sure?” he asked and I could have sworn that I heard something hopeful in his tone.
“Please,” I said as I shifted over just a little bit.
I knew as soon as he slid in between the sheets that I was going to roll over and curl up into his side. I was too exhausted to over-analyze it.
And that was just what I did the moment he was settled in.
He placed a delicate kiss on my forehead and then it was lights out for me.
I didn’t sleep well. I felt like my body was restless the entire night. At some point, I got lost in the dreams. Ones that seemed so real. I felt like I was back in that motel room. There were bodies scattered about and my heart was racing in my chest. Then I looked around again, and suddenly there was another body. This one tied to a chair. Blood leaked out of the numerous gashes and stab wounds he had all over his body. There was a hole in his head, a little left from dead center. Though one would have assumed he was dead, his mouth was turned up in the most sinister of smirks. It was like he was saying that death wouldn’t be the end of him. In my dream, I could feel how right he was. The man may have been dead but he would continue to torment me. And so many others. Death hadn’t stopped the fear. It hadn’t wiped away all the bad things he’d done.
The images that played out in my dreams made me feel disoriented even in my sleep.
I woke to a strange smell. Not strange as in weird or bad. Strange as in unfamiliar, but yet, somehow it was. Then I realized that I was pressed tightly against a firm body. I felt like my head was all swimmy and I didn’t know which end was up. I couldn’t even tell where the hell I was at the moment. My brain was so foggy and it was hard for me to cut through it to make sense of anything.
I listened to how I felt. I was safe. I was warm. And there was a little thing jabbing me in the heart trying to tell me that this was where I belonged.
But that was crazy because I didn’t even know where I was.
My eyes felt like they were fused together. I wanted to open them so badly, but I couldn’t. Actually, I couldn’t seem to move any part of my body. It was like I was in some kind of half dream-like state. Or, you know, not fully awake.
I’d never slept beside someone. Well, I didn’t count my sleepovers with Allison when we shared a bed. This didn’t feel anything like those. I mean, I never cuddled up to Allison like the way I was against this person. Who so happened to be a male. I just had a feeling about that. And that smell. I felt myself take a big, deep breath in through my nose just to get more of it. It was…dangerously warming.
Um, what the fuck?
Okay, my brain was clearly still not functioning because that shit didn’t make any fucking sense.
“Luce,” a voice said in a raw, sexy whisper.
That name. No one had ever called me that before.
No, that wasn’t true.
Hecalled me that.
Then I smiled, my eyes still refusing to open. I remembered where I was and more importantly, who I was plastered up against.
My cleaner.
