Page 47 of Clean Hack
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If I could, I would
Lucy
I knew it was going to happen. The fall. The come down. The crash. Whatever the hell you wanted to call it, I knew it was just right around the corner. Truth was, I had no idea how I’d held it together for so long. One minute, I was there surrounded by more bodies that I could count and laying eyes on Allison for the first time in seven years. The next, I was climbing into the cab of Mr. Clean’s—I meant, Derrick’s—truck and the weight came down in full force. So hard that I literally crashed. As in, all the air that I felt I’d been holding in the entire night rushed out of my lungs as my eyes closed. And they did not open again.
Then my eyelids were fluttering open and I was met with a room I didn’t know followed by the panic of how the hell I’d gotten there. Not only that, but how much time had I lost? Was I out for hours? Days? It honestly wouldn’t have surprised me if it’d been days. I was sure my mind and body were likeI’m taking a fucking break here, lady.
“Hey,” his voice filtered into my ears.
It was soft and calm and just the thing I needed right then. I couldn’t tell you why, but it put me at ease. Just one simple word. One little nudge to let me know that I was safe and not alone. I wanted to cry. And actually, I did. The tears flowing down my cheeks like a dam had broken. I supposed it had. Years I had held it all in. I had promised I wouldn’t cry until I’d found Allison. Years of holding it all back. Years of keeping the weight up and keeping the secrets within.
“It’s okay,” he said in a husky, strained whisper.
Then the mattress dipped and his arms were circling around me, pulling me tighter into his body. I fisted his shirt just to have something to ground me. I cried and cried and fucking cried.
“Come here,” he said reclining back against the headboard and pulling my body into his side.
His scent filled my nose even through the river of snot running out. It did something to me but I couldn’t begin to explain it right now. It was warm and rich and dangerous at the same time. Not rich like money, rich like…wise and regal. Like a man that stood tall and strong. A man that would protect what he believed in at all costs. A man that would love with everything he had in him. How the hell could I have gotten that from one smell, I honestly couldn’t tell you. But that was what it spoke to my soul as I buried my face in his shoulder and took another healthy whiff. I wasn’t sure, but I felt his body bounce a little like he was silently laughing at me. That was enough to break me out of my weep-fest and drag my eyes up to his.
“Sorry,” he said almost sheepishly. “I know you were having a moment and it’s not funny at all…but you were smelling me.”
Maybe I wasn’t as subtle as I thought I was being. I couldn’t help but begin to laugh at myself. It was just the tension breaker that I needed. I brought my hand up and wiped my eyes. I tried to suck the gross snot back to where it belonged, but there was no way to do that gracefully. I was sure I looked like a train wreck right now.
He reached over and produced a small box of tissues. I gave him a timid, thankful smile as I snatched up one. Without caring about how unladylike I was, I blew my nose until I could breathe again.
“You feel better?” he asked a while later, once I’d gotten myself under control.
“Yes,” I replied with a few quick nods of my head. I planted my hand on his chest and went to push up. I didn’t want him to feel like he had to stay there holding me, especially since I was a bit better now. At least my eyes weren’t leaking all over his soft, cotton shirt.
Wait!
What?
Soft…cotton…t-shirt…?
Yeah, that was what he was wearing. I lifted my head to inspect the rest of him to find his lower half covered in a pair of black sweatpants. And his feet, well, they were bare and for some reason, I found it incredibly sexy.
No.
No, I couldn’t go there right now.
Oh, my, fucking, God!
It all hit me at once. I was in a bed. Not only that, butmy cleaner, the man that had been a mystery for so long, was right there next to me. Fucking, holding me. His arms—his strong, warm arms were holding me.
I must have been dreaming and I had a very strong urge to pinch myself. Oh, I knew what was going on. I really died in that motel room. Everything that I thought happened—the saving myself, the killing people, the call to him—it was all some kind of after death dream. I was in limbo, maybe. This was some kind of confusing conjured up image to make me pay for all the things I’d done. That made more sense than this actually being real. Right?
“Lucy,” he said my name so sweetly. So calmly. So…tenderly. It actually had me shaking my head like I couldn’t believe I was hearing it that way. “I can see the freak out happening behind your eyes. Talk to me.”
He wasn’t wrong. Because I knew I was having some kind of crazy meltdown. How the hell did I stop myself from spiraling out of control? I knew. I just needed to figure out what was real and what wasn’t. I had to have been in some kind of mental maze. Which meant that I just have to find my way out of it.
“Luce,” he whispered, his hand coming up to cup my face. I love the shortened version of my name. No one had ever called me that before. Growing up, I had always been Lucy, with the exception of Allison calling me Lulu. Sure, Tristan called me Lulee. And Nadya occasionally liked to call me Eyes as a sort of joke because I had my eyes on a lot of things. But this, well, it felt like it was his and a comforting warmth blossomed in my chest. “Hey, take a breath. In and out. We are safe and I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”
Then it hit me. Where was Allison? Oh, God. I felt like shit that it took me that long for it to hit me. Was she alright? Was she safe?
Savage was dead.
