Page 57 of Ky
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Chris
Sex.
Sometimes it changed things…and sometimes it didn’t.
However, when you had the most intense, life-altering, earth-shattering sex of your life, it tended to change things. At least for me, it did. But clearly, it was different for other people.
As I stood at the bar wiping down the bar top, I tried my hardest not to stare lasers into Ky’s back—yes, his back, because that was what had been facing me all fucking night.
I didn’t care that he wasn’t hanging out with me, or all over me, for that matter. I didn’t even care that he wasn’t here to see me. What I did care about was the fact that he acted like I wasn’t even there.
He said he wanted me to feel him for days, and I’d tell you that there was no doubt that I would. He hadn’t taken it easy on me at all. He hadn’t given me tender loving. No, not Ky. He, literally, owned my ass that night. And even now, two days later, I still felt whatever the fuck had happened in that room that night. It was beyond sex. It was way past two people just seeking out one another for a release and a moment of pleasure.
However, it seemed like I was alone in that feeling. The only saving grace to this night was that he hadn’t even glanced at any of the women that were around. Not even when they tried their hardest to shove their big tits in his face. And it wasn’t like he didn’t have any interest, because I could tell that he was trying hard not to give into the temptation. It wasn’t that I really cared, I wasn’t one of those super jealous types. It more bugged me that I had no idea why he felt he had to shut that part of himself off. Was it out of respect? To me? If so, then why? Was he even aware of what he was doing? I didn’t have the first clue about any of it because Ky’s head and emotions were locked down tight right now.
“I’m gonna go grab some cases from the back,” I said to B-ry at the end of the bar letting him know to watch the place for a minute. He gave me a chin jerk letting me know that he heard me before I walked off.
In the stock room, I took in a deep, cleansing breath and stood there for a long moment trying to clear my head.
“Chris,” Ky’s voice said in a harsh whisper.
“What?” I barked, not even bothering to hide my irritation.
He closed the door and stalked toward me. I saw it coming. Oh, yeah, there was no way I could have missed it. His hands went into my hair, gripping to the point of pain. His lips crashed into mine, and for just a second, I gave in and let him take from me.
Then I broke away with a firm hand on his chest. As I looked into his eyes I knew I didn’t need to explain myself. He was well aware of what was going on and how I felt. He knew how he was treating me.
“I need to restock the bar,” I said in a flat tone as I turned away from him.
“You know that it has nothing to do with you, right?” His words were soft and full of regret.
“I know,” I said not bothering to turn and face him. “Doesn’t mean that it hurts me any less. I don’t think I can be what you need Ky, and maybe, you can’t be what I need. You’re not ready to admit to this thing between us and I’m not willing to hide. Walk away, Ky, before you destroy what little friendship we have left.”
A little dramatic? Sure, maybe. But the words were full of honesty and truth. It was not only what I needed to say, but what he needed to hear.
I heard his retreating steps as I reached out and grabbed the case of booze that I’d come back here for. Then I went back out there, my head held high, and finished out my shift. I didn’t seek him out, but I didn’t purposely avoid his direction either. I meant what I said and I knew that if I was going to get through to him, then I couldn’t go back on anything.
The next morning, I rolled out of bed earlier than I normally did. The sky was still dark as I made my way down the beach and to the shore. I stood there for a long time, the waves crashing around my ankles as my feet sunk into the sand a little more with each retreating pull. Once it was light enough for me to see where I was going, I made my way out into the water. I had a feeling it was going to be another one of those sit-and-bob type of mornings.
And it was.
I sat there for longer than I normally did. I sat there as the water around me began to fill with late morning surfers and the beach started to overflow with tourists trying to find their own little spots for the day. Knowing that I would be at the point of being rude if I stayed in the way any longer, I turned my board around and paddled back to the shore. I didn’t even bother trying to catch a wave in.
I hadn’t found the peace that I’d hoped to. I didn’t get the answerers that I had been seeking. I honestly just felt angry and frustrated as I made my way back to the house.
I flopped down on the couch and as his scent invaded my nose, I realized that there was no way I could shake my feelings for Ky. Somehow I’d started to fall for the guy. Seeing him in those moments when he let his guard down, when he showed me that he was human and vulnerable, they had got to me. They had made me realize all the reasons he was the way he was. Even his gruffness I found beautiful and part of his charm. It was stupid and I knew it. Falling for a guy that pretty much wanted to fight all the things he felt towards me would only end up with me brokenhearted.
This wasn’t one of thoseroll with itkind of situations. In the time since he’d been living here, with me, I’d begun to crave him. And now that I knew what it was like to be with him, there was no changing that. No denying that it happened. No moving on to the next one. Because I could have said that without a single doubt, Ky gave me something I’d never had before and I knew I’d never find it anywhere else.
Simply put, there was no going back after Ky.
And that really put me in a hard spot.
“Oh, hi, Chris,” Ingram said as she came into the room and found me in a sad, thoughtful lump on the couch. “I was starting to think you’d be out there all day.” She gave a little laugh.
“Hey. Yeah, I lost track of time. Come sit,” I said as I patted the cushion beside me and she lowered herself down without hesitation. “You doing okay?”
