Page 44 of Ky
He looked back at me once he hit the so-called doorway. Then he was gone, jogging down the stairs with heavy feet.
I hated the way he made me feel. No, wait, that wasn’t right. I loved the way he made me feel but I hated the fact that he clearly wasn’t ready to let go of whatever was holding him back. I wasn’t sure what that was, and I didn’t really have the first idea of what it could be. Part of me wanted to blame it on that place, that fucking cult—yes, I said it. But by the way he talked, it was clear that none of that negative stuff had stuck with him.
While listening to him explain his story, I learned a few things. One, Ky had a good heart despite the shit he’d gone through. Two, he was fucking smart and I don’t even think he realized it. Three, he was a man wise beyond his years. Four, in his heart he knew right from wrong and I imagined the struggle of having to hide that for years wasn’t easy. And five, he was soft. Yes, grunty and at times asshole-ish Ky had a warm gooey center.
I chuckled to myself at the thought. I’d never come out and say that to anyone, let alone him, but it didn’t mean it made it any less true. I smiled to the empty room, thinking how I was the lucky boy that got to be a part of it, to see him with his guard down.
That was what I kept my mind on as I crawled into bed. I wouldn’t doubt that the morning would bring back the Ky we’d all been used to and I wasn’t even going to say that I hated that.
Fucking baby steps.
I just needed to keep remembering that.
