Page 40 of Ky
“Please, don’t. I don’t want regrets for either one of us. Alright?”
“Okay,” I agreed blindly as my head lightly nodded. “What happened after…”
I couldn’t bring myself to say it. The thought that she had to go through that was unbelievable and to know that she had to do it all alone gutted me. My heart broke for her and my hatred grew for the ones that had stood by and let it go on.
“I fell with child again a year later.” Her hand moved to rest on the top of her belly. “I begged him to let me out for just an hour each day. I said that I needed fresh air and to walk. Somehow that worked and he left me to go off alone for a whole hour, but I couldn’t be late returning. I made sure I never was. I used to go to the edge, past the old barn, the one that they never use. I got to sit out there for ten minutes before I had to start heading back.”
She took in a deep breath and I could tell this was all too much for her. She was getting tired and worn out. I wanted to give her a break but I was also afraid that if we didn’t finish this now, then we might not ever.
“There was a boy, maybe three years younger than me. Did you know that there was a neighborhood just on the other side of the woods there? I didn’t. He surprised me the first time he popped out of the trees and spoke to me.” She paused and laughed at the memory.
“I didn’t know,” I said thinking back. “I climbed the fence near the front gate because I knew that the dirt road led to a highway eventually. It was one of the things I remembered from the drive there. Somehow it stuck with me.”
“Oh,” she whispered and her head ducked for a moment. “The boy, he met me out there sometimes. I tried to go at the same time every day in hopes of seeing him. He had a phone like the one you gave to me and he showed me all sorts of things on it. It was because of him that I realized I needed to leave.”
“So, how did you get out? I mean, wasn’t it difficult with the baby and all?” I asked and winced because it sounded like I thought she was less capable because she was carrying a child. Luckily, her face didn’t display any sort of negative reaction as she went on.
“Mother caught me one day as I was heading out for my walk. She was not really allowed to talk to me after I had been chosen, I had to act as if I didn’t know her anymore. I was told that I was to serve a higher purpose and I didn’t need to let myself be tainted in any way. But one day, she broke the rules. Only long enough to tell me that she loved me and hand me a small, folded piece of paper. I didn’t understand what was written on it. I found out later it was an address. That’s how I knew where Grandma was.
“The boy—he never told me his name, I see how strange that is now. Well, he got some huge wire cutter looking things. He said they were his dad’s and he didn’t tell them anything about me. He helped me get out and helped me on my way. I will never be able to repay him and I know I’ll probably never see him again.”
She sighed and her head fell onto my shoulder. I held her as she released some of her pain. She’d been holding all of this in for so long and I hated that it took us this long to get here.
“Sometimes I feel like I will never really be free of that place. Do you feel that way?” she asked.
“I used to, all the time. But now, I see that I make my own choices. I can pull myself up instead of letting someone hold me down. It’s a hard struggle, moving past all of those things that we believed, but once you find a way to break free, it’s like the world becomes yours. Your life becomes yours. And when you find something to live for, it’s even better.”
“How do I do this? How do I be normal? I can’t…I don’t know how to raise a child with how messed up as I am.”
“Ingram,” I said softly and she lifted her head to look at me. “You have me. You aren’t alone.”
“We aren’t, Ky. We have Chris. And you have your brothers. I guess it will be alright, then. Right?”
“Yes,” I said with a huge smile. Somehow it would all be okay because I would make sure of it.
“I’m all talked out now. I think I want some ice cream. Chris said he bought a new flavor for me to try.”
I laughed, thankful that the heavy shit was somewhat out of the way.
So we ate ice cream and watched something funny. I never thought I’d ever get to have time with her like this. All I could do was be grateful that I’d gotten a second chance with her. Now that she was with me, I wasn’t going to leave her again.
“Hey, guys,” Chris said as he walked into the room. I noted his lounge clothes and wondered when he’d gotten home. “I got here a bit ago, but saw you guys talking, so I headed upstairs.” It was weird how he could just read my mind like that.
“This rocky road is amazing. So many flavors all at once,” Ingram said.
“Oh, yeah. I forgot I bought that. I’m gonna get some. Need some more, Ingram?”
“No, I think I put too much in here as it is.” She laughed as she shoved another huge spoonful into her mouth.
Chris made his way to the kitchen and I couldn’t help it, before I knew what I was doing, my feet were making their way behind him. Ingram’s back was to us but it wasn’t like we really had any privacy. Not that I really needed to make things more confusing with us.
“Did you, uh, have a good day?” I asked lamely.
Chris looked up at me with a look that made me shake my head. Yeah, I couldn’t help the slight nervousness that I felt around him. I wasn’t even kidding myself and it showed.
“You two good?” he asked completely ignoring my question.
“Yeah…yeah. We talked. You were right, we needed to. I think it helped and now I know more of what’s going on and why she left.” I wanted so desperately to tell him what she’d told me, all the things that she’d been through, but I didn’t want to talk about her literally right behind her back.
