Page 39 of Ky
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Ky
“It’s time, Ingram. I need you to tell me what’s up. Tell me what happened after I left.” It was hard to get the words out but I had no choice.
“I left, Ky, can’t we just leave it at that?” Her voice and eyes pleaded with me.
“No, we can’t. You drop little hints here and there, and sometimes I get the feeling like you are confused about what happened. I want you to talk to me and I can help you sort it all out.”
She took in a deep breath, her gaze moved to look at the darkness outside of the windows.
“Where should I start?” she asked on a sigh.
“What happened when I left? Why wouldn’t you go with me?” I asked and the sadness wasn’t hidden at all. “I hated leaving you. Why…why did you look at me like you hated me?”
The questions I’d thought about all these years started to come out. I hoped that talking about it would lead to a better path for us. That maybe we could finally figure out everything and put it behind us.
That night was hard. My choice to flee was terrifying, but having to leave her behind was worse. I couldn’t stay there any longer. Father had always talked about the evil outside of the gate, but I saw true evil come from him and from the flock that he led. All of them going along blindly, believing that he and his words would save them. That all they had to do was follow ‘the way’ and they would have automatic pure atonement.
But it was all bullshit.
I couldn’t even believe that I’d found life in his words for so long.
I could blame it on the fact that I didn’t have a choice, but deep down, I always wondered if that was just an excuse to hide.
“What they did to him—to Brighton was wrong. Even what they did to you was wrong. I could not see it then and I was scared,” she said and her lip wobbled as the tears filled her eyes. “I didn’t know any different. I couldn’t think for myself let alone beyond the land of the compound. We were safe there, that was what I had been raised to believe. Fear kept me there that night. Fear that if I left with you, then I would lose everything and I’d be forever tarnished beyond saving.”
“Fuck,” I breathed out and pulled her into my side. Wrapping my arms around her, I tried to be everything she needed. I tried to be the comforting brother, the friend, and even her savior in a way.
“They left him to die, it was so horrible. Ky, he suffered, just…there on the dirty, cold ground.”
She didn’t need to tell me what had happened, I’d been right there the whole time, chained up mere feet away and unable to save him.
“He was your best friend, and he had always been kind to me. That was the first time I’d ever questioned if what was around me was right. But I was seven years old and I didn’t know the first thing about being able to think for myself.”
“I hate that you had to see that,” I said and then sniffed. The images of that night crept into my head and I hated it. I hated myself. I hated that I’d failed Brighton. I had silently promised him that I’d never forget, but what I’d been doing for the past ten years was doing everything to not remember.
“They found out you were gone and then it was like you never existed. We weren’t allowed to talk about you. Mom cried. There were so many days that she would just stand there at the stove making dinner with tears running down her face. I was too scared to say anything, so I kept my head down and did my best not to do anything wrong.”
I had left a mound of shit when I’d taken off and I hadn’t even thought of what it might have meant for her. I was glad she was telling me all of this but at the same time, it felt like a stab to the heart. It was too much of a burden for a child to carry but I could tell that she tried. I wasn’t sure the reasons beyond doing her best to keep the peace for the family and maybe there weren’t any.
“Father became sick a few years after you left. I have no idea what was wrong with him but he never got better,” she said and her gaze was glazed over as she looked out of the windows. I knew she wasn’t talking about our dad but rather the leader himself. “It became worse after he died. His son, Timothy, took over, saying that the word had been transferred to him and that he would be the one to lead us into paradise. They said that Father had left us to prepare for our entry. It seems so strange and far-fetched now…that I’m away from it all. I just don’t understand how they—our parents could believe all of that and not see how misguided it all was.”
“I don’t have an answer for that, to be honest,” I said, my tone soft. “I wish I did.”
“I was fifteen when he came to Ronald and mother,” she said and the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. “He told them that the light had shown him that I was chosen to be by his side when the time came. And that up until then, I would need to fulfill my duties to him to ensure my passage.”
Rage filled my veins and I almost couldn’t control it. When I’d been there, Father had taken a few girls as his ‘personal deliverers’ and I’d always prayed that Ingram would never be one of them. That right there should have been my first clue that I didn’t truly believe in the path that Father had painted for us to follow. The thing was, when I was inside that gate and surrounded by people that didn’t protest anything that went on there, I didn’t see how any of it was wrong. Now was a different story. I knew too much and realized the truth too deeply.
“I wasn’t the only one,” she continued catching my attention again. “I remember thinking how exciting it was because Beth had been chosen with me. I thought that it would be so great living in the big house with her and that we would both go together when the time came. But it was awful, Kynaston. Truly awful.”
By the way she’d said my full name I could tell that she was slipping. The memories were taking over and it was like she was back there in that place.
I put my arm around her again even though it felt a little strained. I needed to suck it up and make sure that she realized she was in a safe place, that I’d never let anyone hurt her ever again. I may not have been able to say those words to her, but I had a feeling she understood the silent meaning in my comforting embrace.
“I lost the first baby. He was not happy and I had no idea what I’d done wrong. It hurt so bad and he left me there in my room for a week. Beth came in to bring me food and water a few times. She was angry with me too, and I did not know how to fix it. But I realize now, that there was nothing I could have done.”
“I can’t tell you how fucking messed up that is. I hate that I wasn’t there for you.”
