Page 25 of Ky
“Shit,” Chris said and I could feel the heaviness of my story reaching his soul.
“Seven years old and with the blink of an eye, she hated me. She was seven, Chris, and I left her there to live that life. This,” I tossed my head back in the direction of the house, “is my fault.”
“No, Ky. You can’t believe that.”
“I do.”
There was a long moment of silence. Either he knew better than to try and convince me differently or he agreed with me. Knowing Chris and how he always seemed to see the good in everyone and every-fucking-thing, I would have put money on the former.
“She has us now, she’ll be alright,” he said and something in that statement made my heart clench tight. It was hard to breathe and if I couldn’t feel the cool sand under my ass, I would have sworn I was drowning.
He was maybe right, though. Ingram had me, full of sin as I was, I came with a club full of men that would have my back and take care of anyone I brought into their family. And I had Chris, despite the distance I’d tried to place between us.
“I had a group of sorority girls in tonight,” Chris said with laughter in his tone. “You should have seen that mess. Each of them tearing the other’s hair out to get to B-ry and Sketch. B-ry seemed like he didn’t want anything to do with them and of course, Sketch was willing to take them all.”
My laugh mingled with his and faded into the dark sky.
“How many did Sketch try to take on?” I asked.
“Oh, I saw him disappear about three times. Then at closing time, he had two of them wrapped around his arms as he walked out.”
I nodded. Knowing Sketch, that seemed about right.
“Blade left with one and Tripp and Charming looked like they might have had something going with one of them too. I don’t even think one of those girls left without getting a taste of the leather.” He chuckled.
“I wouldn’t doubt it. Oh, man, I’m kinda glad I won’t be around in the morning. Then again, it would probably be an amusing sight,” I said thinking about the whole send-off that the guys would give them.
I knew it all too well. I might have done it a time or two. In general, I wasn’t an asshole to the women I slept with. Most of the time they came knowing the score. The ones that didn’t, I made sure they left happy and fed, but understanding that it wouldn’t be happening again. It seemed that pancakes and an iced latte always softened the blow.
It occurred to me then, that I’d never really seen Chris with anyone. I had seen him make-out with people before, and even gone more in the PG-13 direction, but I’d never seen him walk away with anyone—girl or guy. That confused the hell out of me. I had no idea what was up between him and Brand, and I wasn’t in a place that I could ask. They had this weird friendship and even with me witnessing that kiss, I felt like it was simply that—a deep, brotherly friendship. And I’d seen Chris get hot and heavy with random girls. So the big question that stuck in my brain was if he was trying to hide something or not. He’d never blatantly flirted with me or any of the guys. I’d never heard him mention a guy in a sense other than friendly. I honestly didn’t care if he was gay or not, but the fact that I needed to know the answer to that mystery was overpowering.
Why?
I had no idea.
It may have had something to do with the swirling confusion I was having. A smarter, more aware, man would have said it was because I was trying to figure out myself more than his sexual preference. But I was a dumb fuck that was currently trying his hardest to avoid the whole thing.
If I did admit that I had something other than friendly thoughts towards Chris, what would I do with that anyway? If I made a move and he wasn’t really into guys, that would just make everything even more strained and awkward than it already was. Things were complicated, to say the least.
I stood, deciding that was a problem for another night. I had too much on my plate already. Ingram needed me and I needed to step up and be the family and brother she’d come here looking for. I needed to stand beside her and help her figure out what was next. But I had no clue what that was. I didn’t know the first thing about a pregnant woman let alone the baby that would be here soon enough.
“Thanks, Chris,” I said as I brushed the loose, dry sand off of my ass. “Night.”
“It’ll be okay, Ky. Just remember, the two of you have people. You guys aren’t alone.”
I nodded and headed back into the house. Given the heavy talk I’d just had and the part of my soul I’d bared, I should have felt uneasy. But instead, I felt like I’d set a part of me free. I felt a tiny bit lighter and maybe even a little less alone.
Weariness set deep into my bones and I flopped in my bed, welcoming the much-needed sleep.
