Page 57 of Brand
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Cami
Life sucked. I wouldn’t even try to play it off differently. I missed Brand the most. But I also missed Sketch and Blade. And Chris, as well. I had Laurel, but I still felt like a big part of me was missing.
To be honest, Laurel had surprised me. She’d been super supportive and there for me through every emotion. And let me tell you, there was a wide range of them. Sad. Depressed. Angry. And so on.
I didn’t know if my parents knew where I’d ended up or not and I honestly didn’t care. If Laurel had ratted me out, it was obvious that they could care less because they hadn’t shown up the four or so days I’d been here. I say ‘or so’ because I’d truly lost count of the days. I slept odd hours and when I was awake I had kind of been an out-of-it mess. I wasn’t really sure how many times the sunlight had graced the apartment then retreated again.
I was so moody that I couldn’t even enjoy the colors that started the day. I didn’t care that I had missed them. That was when I knew I was in bad shape. My mood was black. The walls around me simple white. The wine currently filling up half my glass was only red.
My heart no longer felt the joy in life and I wondered how I’d fallen this far. How I had managed to let one person fill my heart with warmth and how I was supposed to go on like none of it had happened. I knew I was in bad shape but I didn’t have the first clue how to pull myself out of this hole I was falling into.
Everything I had dealt with in life had never affected me like losing Brand had. Not even my parents and all their boxes that I had to fit into.
Pathetic.
I’d called myself that more time than I could count the last few days.
“This is so stupid,” I said to an empty room.
Laurel had left to have lunch with Brice and his mother. To talk wedding plans, I was sure. But I didn’t exactly know, because I was the world’s worst sister and hadn’t asked her about anything after that first night.
I sucked. Like big time. Here Laurel was, being a good sister and letting me crash here in her spare room and I was a bitch, not even seeming grateful for any of it.
A knock at the door jolted me out of my thoughts.
As I made my way to the front of the apartment, I tried to figure out who it might be. Laurel had a key so I knew it wasn’t her. My biggest fear was that it was my parents but I had not the first clue if it was them.
“Open the door Cami, I know you’re in there and, fuck, this isn’t over. I’m not letting you go. I don’t give a shit what—”
His words halted as I yanked open the door and threw myself into his arms. He caught me with a tinyoomphas he rapped me up as tight as possible.
“I’m a mess,” I admitted as I attempted to climb him like a tree. He palmed my butt and I wrapped my legs around him without a second of hesitation.
He carried me just inside the apartment and somehow managed to hold me up and shut the door softly at the same time.
“Me too, beautiful, me too.” His admission caused the tears to spill from my eyes. He didn’t seem to care that I was soaking his neck and shirt with my mix of elation and sadness.
Happy that he was here, that I was touching him, that with one little statement he showed me how much he cared.
But sad, because I knew this couldn’t last. That I had to let him go in order to keep him safe.
For a second I decided that I was going to say ‘fuck it all’ to the universe and get lost in this moment.
If I was going to let him go, then I was going to get fireworks and let the world burn around us and all that stuff that you would expect to see in movies.
“I need you,” I said clawing at his clothes and then realized that I was plastered to his body, preventing me from ridding him of them.
“Cami, look at me,” Brand said, lowering me to my feet and framing my face with his warm hands. “We have all the time in the world. We need to set this straight first. You need to know that you’re mine and I’m not the kind of man that loves easily. And I sure as fuck am not ready to let you go. Honestly, I don't think I will ever be.”
And out came the boyish charm that I loved about him. His heart was open to me and I so badly wanted to crawl inside. But what kind of life would that give us—give him? One where he and his club constantly had to look over their shoulders, wondering when my parents would choose to take a moment to strike.
I couldn’t do that to him. He was such an amazing person and he deserved more than that.
“Tell me how you feel about me?” he asked and as my glassy eyes looked up to him, I fought really hard to hold the words back. “Fine, then I’ll tell you howIfeel. This isn’t something that is fleeting. I love you, Cami, I won’t even try to deny it. Hell, I want to tell the world exactly that. And the only reason I would turn my ass around and walk out that door, is if you tell me—right here, right now—that you don’t feel the same. That you don’t feel this thing that is between us. That when you told me you understood me, you were lying to my face.”
I couldn’t. I absolutely could not lie to this man. I knew that it would crush him and for the life of me, I just couldn’t be the one to do that to him.
