Page 21 of Brand
“Iwantedher,” I repeated.
Sure, I found women attractive. And sometimes I give them a second look. But for me to really want someone, is kind of rare. Chris knew this, I think he knew this about me without me even having to tell him. In fact, I was pretty sure he was the one that helped me figure out that I wasn’t a fuck and run kind of guy. That I had to have some more—something a lot more, to want someone.
“Puke smell and all, huh?” He laughed and I playfully punched him on the arm. “I don’t need to tell you what you just admitted, do I?”
“No,” I said and let out a long breath of air. “But I don’t think it matters, because the girl is clearly not into me. She doesn’t even want to be around me most of the time. She’s not mean about it but at the same time, I can tell.”
I felt things for Cami and she didn’t feel anything for me. Story of my life, it seemed. Stupid fucking me, yet again.
“What’s going on with Ky lately?” he asked, sensing that I needed a subject change. “I mean, Lake has been pretty absent too. But Ky seems like he’s avoiding me or us or something. I don’t know. I just feel like he never hangs out anymore.”
“Huh?” I said, scratching my cheek as I thought about the last couple of weeks.
I hadn’t really realized it, but he was right. It seemed like every time Chris and I tried to make plans with him, he seemed to have something to do. Same for Lake, although not as much. He did hang out with Sketch, Mouse, Chris, and me the other night at the bar. I knew Lake had been pulling more shifts not only at the mechanic shop, but also at the docks at night. I imagined he was pretty tired after all of that.
“Maybe he has a girl he’s been seeing. It could be he doesn’t want to bring her around yet,” I said thinking that could be the only logical explanation.
Ky wasn’t a one-woman kind of guy, so maybe the newness of a relationship had him a little timid about sharing the news. Who knew? I wasn’t sure if I’d bring it up to him or not. I didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable, but at the same time, I wanted to let him know we were there for him. I was his brother and friend, I’d be there even if he just needed to talk. Sometimes it was just awkward being a guy and trying to figure out how to let my brothers know that I was good at listening if they needed.
“Yeah,” Chris breathed out. “Maybe.”
We sat there another hour or so in silence. Both of us lost deep in the places we tried to avoid during the daytime. It was nice to have the comfort of someone there without feeling like I had to share every little thing I was thinking about.
But the thoughts confused the hell out of me, that was for sure.
I let the train run wild. I gave into what I was feeling. And I wasn’t sure at the end of the night, if I was alright with it.
Once the beer was gone, we moved inside. I crashed on his couch because he hadn’t gotten around to setting up the spare rooms yet. Even knowing that he would wake me up in a few hours with a cup of coffee right before dashing off down the beach, I couldn’t have more grateful for this place.
