Page 65 of Knight
I tried to roll over but something sharp sliced through my shoulder. I clenched my teeth and tried to fight the pain. My guess was it was a spring sticking out from the mattress but as I looked around, I realized that it could have been anything. Needles, broken glass, trash, even a few used condoms littered the area in front of me.
Oh please, God, don’t let it be a needle.
I could only imagine what the hell kind of grossness I was laying in. Using my legs, I tried to wiggle forward and away from whatever the hell it was that was cutting into me.
“What are you going to do, Tara?” I asked and tried to keep the bite out of my voice.
“What do you mean?” she asked and her head cocked to the side in confusion, but the look she held on her face was downright frightening. There wasn’t anything in her eyes as she stared down at me. Not a glimmer of the Tara I had gotten to know. Or maybe it was that I’d just never noticed the emptiness before.
“Why are we here? Why am I tied up? What is it that you are trying to accomplish with all of this?”
“I just want to be you. Is that so wrong, Gwenie?”
She leaned over me and I had to crane my neck to the side to keep her in my vision. Then the dim light in the room caught on something hanging around her neck. The pendant swung back and forth on the chain as it dangled in the air. My mom’s necklace. I closed my eyes and a tear slipped out, leaving a wet trail over my nose.
“You are going to disappear and Knight is going to get a note saying you couldn’t take it anymore and you had to leave.” She pointed at me as she spoke.
“I’m not writing shit for you,” I bit out.
So, I was really scared right then and I honestly had not one clue how to get out of this. I knew all the things that were the smart thing to do in a situation like this, but knowing and being able to do them were two different things. Like, stay calm. And not taunt your tormentor. And try to connect with them on some level. Or wait for the right moment to strike out.
Yes, I understood all of those things and I could even recite them in my head at that moment. But as the panic that I was going to fucking die on that dirty mattress kicked in, I couldn’t follow any of those rules.
I swung my bound legs out and made contact with her knee. She stumbled back a few steps but it wasn’t enough to bring her down. By the maniacal laugh that rang out, she wasn’t even fazed by the action.
She picked up a baseball bat I had neglected to notice when I had scanned the area. I closed my eyes as she began to raise it in the air. I didn’t want to see it come down on me. I knew feeling it was going to be bad enough. The air whooshed right next to my face and the smack of it hitting the mattress echoed in my ears.
“Please,” I whimpered because I just couldn’t hold my fear back anymore.
Everything flashed in my head. I always thought people were full of shit when they said that. But right then, I sent silent apologies for every time that thought crossed through my head.
Millions of images were right there and I didn’t dare open my eyes. If I was going to die, I wanted the last thing I saw to make me happy. To fill me with the love and warmth I’d had my entire life.
I wanted to remember my dad and mom together. Every hug and kiss they ever gave me. Every birthday we shared. Every holiday. All the times they were there cheering me on for one little thing or another.
I wanted to remember every single time that Knight had smiled and said my name. Every time I caught him looking when he didn’t think I knew. Every touch and his smell. The kiss. Oh God, I wanted to live in that kiss.
I tried not to think about everything I would miss out on or wouldn’t get to do. Like how I’d never get to meet Stacy’s baby. Or that I wouldn’t get to see my dad’s proud face as I walked the stage and was handed my degree. All the goodbyes I wouldn’t get to say. And the three words I should have said to Knight the morning he said them to me.
I love you.
I whispered the words over and over again in my mind, all while praying to the universe that he would hear them. I needed him to know. I forgave him for everything. I didn’t even care about the past at that point or how much he’d hurt me all those years ago. I let it all go because I realized right then that it wasn’t what mattered the most.
“Oh. My. God,” Tara said with a dramatic tone of frustration. “Will you please stop. I can practically hear your thoughts and fuck, it is annoying.”
I refused to open my eyes. I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction that she was getting to me.
“So after you are gone, poor Knight is going to be so heartbroken and sad. Guess who’s going to be there, understanding his sadness, sharing his grief? Me, that’s who.”
“No,” I growled.
“Yes. He’ll be so sad and I will be right there lending my shoulder for him to cry on. I will have it all then. All his attention. His love. I’ll be perfect for him.”
“You’ll never be me,” I barked as I lost the fight to keep my eyes closed. I met her lifeless eyes and regretted it the second I did.
“No?” She popped her hip out and put her hand on it. Her head tilted as her eyes went to the ceiling like she was actually taking a moment to think about what I’d said. After a long pause, she shrugged and looked back down at me. “Maybe not, but I will have everything you have. I will get everything you wanted.”
Knight wouldn’t. I knew it in my heart that he would see right through her. That he would know that I wouldn’t ever leave him and he would keep looking until he found me. I had to believe that.
