Page 33 of Knight
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Knight
Fuck this night.
I shouldn’t have let her walk out the damn door. But I was too stunned by what she’d said to me to even move.
I was the biggest asshole on the planet, and even as I said those things, I knew it. Yet again, I’d hurt her. Only this time, she let go. She lashed out. She no longer held back what she felt and what she thought.
The thing was, I couldn’t blame her. If only I could explain everything to her. Then again, what good would it really do? I wouldn’t only open old wounds, I’d make them deeper. Wounds that I was starting to wonder had even closed. By the things she’d yelled at me tonight, I would have said definitely the fuck not. I was lost. I had no idea how to fix this or where to go from here.
Mouse had forcefully convinced me to stay put. He had reminded me that I was the last person that she wanted to be around right then. Evenheseemed a little pissed at me. I could tell that in the tone he took with me and the disappointed scowl he held on his face the rest of the time he was there. I was glad when an hour later, he took his shit mood somewhere else. But he didn’t leave without pointedly telling me to keep my ass in that apartment.
I paced the damn living room, fuming the entire time. Hours passed and I couldn’t stop my brain from spinning out of control. Something could have happened to her and I wasn’t there to stop it. To help her. To save her.
Mouse’s words rang out in my head and I realized that he was right. I hadn’t been there for years and she was capable of taking care of herself. As much as I wanted to believe that, and maybe knew it, my skin was crawling at the fact that I wasn’t there watching. She was out, at night, in a club or bar that I was sure was filled with assholes that no doubt wanted to get into her pants. Or dress rather.
That fucking dress. I wouldn’t deny that it stopped my heart and made my dick hard at the same time. As much as I wanted the image of her in that dress dancing around in my head, it was not the fucking time.
The thought of someone else touching her made me shake with rage. I knew it was bullshit, I had no claim on her no matter how much I wanted to. But once my head went down that road there was no calming me down. No stopping the crazy train from heading to jealous town. I knew it was fucked up—I was fucked up. The whole fucking situation was fucked up.
How the hell am I going to survive this?
How am I going to survive Gwen?
She was a force to be reckoned with. All these years I hadn’t really been living. I’d felt like some part of me was missing and there was this deep sadness embedded in my soul. I’d spent years trying to shake it. Trying to run from it. Trying to trick myself into thinking I could forget it.
“Fuck!” I growled out to an empty room as my hand raked angrily through my hair.
The sound of the door being unlocked caught my attention. I resisted the urge to run to the door and open it. I may have had a few things I needed to say to her, but I realized that it was probably not the time. The door opened wide, the bang of it hitting the wall echoed in the silent apartment. I looked up and my eyes locked with a struggling Tara as she and Sketch tried to get a seemingly very drunk Gwen into the apartment.
“What the hell?” I roared as I rushed over to them. “The fuck happened?” I attempted to take over but Tara wasn’t having it.
“I got it, alright.” Her tone was tight and if I wasn’t mistaken, her anger was aimed at me. “Just move out of the way.”
Shocked into silence, I did what she said. I hated not being able to help and the fear that they’d drop Gwen had my stomach in knots, but I wasn’t about to step in the way if it was going to cause more problems. So I watched from a distance as Sketch took the majority of the weight and all but dragged Gwen down the hall and into her room. I wanted to know what happened but I was going to wait until they came back out.
I shuffled into the kitchen feeling awkward at what to do. I filled up a glass of cold water and found a bottle of aspirin. Not wanting to get my dick snapped off, I set it on the counter and waited.
“Yo,” Sketch said a few minutes later as he came into the kitchen. I lifted my head and gave him a death glare. What the hell was he doing with them? Had he been with them all night? And if so, why the hell did he let Gwen get so wasted?
I wasn’t sure which answer would set me more over the edge. On the one hand, if he was there, at least he could have kept an eye on her and stepped in if anyone had tried to hurt her. But then again if he wasn’t that was even worse because Gwen would have had no one to watch her back. I promised her dad that I wouldn’t let anything happen to her and right then, I wasn’t sure if I’d cracked that promise a little. I sure felt like I had. I knew what she was off to do and I didn’t follow her. I didn’t keep an eye on things to make sure something like this, or worse, happened. I was a fucking mess.
“Please tell me that she’s okay. That nothing happened.” I could hear the desperation and hopelessness in my voice but right then I didn’t fucking care if it showed.
“I don’t know, man.” He blew out a breath and scratched the back of his neck. “I had just closed up the shop. Was later than normal because this hot chick came in at the last minute and wanted something done…”
I shot him a look warning him to get the fuck on with it already.
“So she told me she was going to meet up with some friends and invited me to come. I walked in the place and saw those two. Gwen couldn’t even hold her head up, so I suggested that we get her home.”
“That’s it?” I asked feeling like there was something he was keeping back. He took a step closer to me.
“I don’t know...she wasn’t even coherent when I got there,” he said and made sure to keep his voice low. “And I got the feeling like Tara wasn’t really ready to go. She tried to tell me that Gwen was fine.”
I eyed him as I processed what he was trying to say.
“I’ve seen drunk chicks, Knight. I’ve seen a lot of them.” He paused and I did my best to hold back the eye roll. “Either she drank half the liquor that they had in that bar or…”
