Page 12 of Knight
CHAPTER FIVE
Knight
I stumbled into my apartment sometime after midnight. I was beat as all get out. The previous night I hadn’t slept at all, no surprise there. I counted my blessings that the place was dead quiet when I walked through the door.
The reason I’d waited so long to come back here was that I was avoiding. Yep, like a big ol’ pussy. But the thing was, I was completely blindsided by this whole thing. Not only was Gwen in the same city as I was, she was in my mother fucking space. I would never be able to escape her now.
My eyes scanned the area. Nothing seemed out of place or different. I had no idea what I expected. Maybe some girly pillows on the couch or one of those fuzzy throws tossed over the back. Maybe some flowers or candles spread about. But there wasn’t any of that. If I didn’t know any better, I would have said I was still living alone.
I had no need to stay out as long as I had. And really, I didn’t even need to leave as early as I did, but I wasn’t ready to handle the closeness yet. And sure, I knew I was being a dick to her, just like I had all those years ago. The docks were fine, and I knew this even before the words came out of my mouth. I simply had to do a quick run through today to make sure nothing seemed out of place. But no one needed to know that.
My head turned and looked down the hall that held the door to her room. I tried my hardest to keep my focus straight, but I simply couldn’t. When it came to Gwen, I could never ignore her presence, even if she thought I could.
My bed was calling me. I forced my feet forward and not soon enough, I flopped down in the middle of my king-sized bed. Then, like every other fucking night, I pulled out my phone. My fingers flew over the screen as I typed out a message. I stared at it for a long minute before I erased it and tossed my phone to the side. I couldn’t tell you how many years I’d done this. Over and over. Always the same thing. But I’d never hit send, convinced that it was for the best.
The thing was, it was even more pointless now. Because the very girl that I was typing that message to was across the way. We were only separated by the width of the living room. Feet that seemed to be too much and not enough all at the same time.
With a heavy sigh, I rolled over and tried my best to go to sleep. I tossed and turned all night long. Memories from the past flashed through my head like a happy home movie. I remembered everything about her. Her smell. Her smile. Her laugh. The way her eyes would light up when she saw me. She always looked at me like I was her fucking hero. Like as long as I was around nothing bad could ever happen to her.
That was the worst part about it all, I was one of the bad things that happened to her. I couldn’t deny how broken she was after I cut ties. I saw it. There was no way I couldn’t because I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. Even though she didn’t know it, I was still looking out for her. Until I couldn't anymore. Until I ran like a damn coward. And though we were miles apart, I never stopped thinking about her.
The sun came up, filling the room with too much light. Then came the sounds from the other side of the door. She was in the kitchen, making coffee I imagined. By her light steps, I could tell she was trying her best to be quiet and I could almost see her walking around on her toes like she used to do when she was younger.
Then the faint knocking sound on the front door caught my attention. Before I could even process who it might have been, I was out of the bed, gun in hand, and bolting out of my room. I caught Gwen just as she was about to walk out of the kitchen.
“The hell, Knight? Shit! You scared the crap out of me,” she screeched as she stared at me with wide eyes. Then she noticed the gun I held down at my side. “Oh, for fuck’s sake. It’s just Mouse.”
The fuck? What the hell is he doing here and how does she know it’s him without even opening the door?
The blood pounded in my ears and I gripped the handle of my gun tighter. I had no right to feel what I was feeling, but that didn’t stop me.
“Mouse?” she called out to further prove her point.
“Yeah,” Mouse said through the closed door. “It’s me. Knight freaking out?”
I rolled my eyes and tucked the gun into the back of my pants before pulling the door open.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I barked and I knew my shit mood wasn’t missed on either one of them.
“Taking princess to breakfast.” He shot me a look like I should fucking know better.
“I’m ready,” Gwen said, shooting me an annoyed look as she shoved her keys into her pocket. She turned and didn’t even give me a second glance as she walked out the door.
“You hungry, man?” Mouse asked and I knew he could sense the growing tension in that moment. I also had an idea that he knew what the fuck was up, seeing that he had been around the club a lot not too long before shit went down.
And because I was a man that decided he wanted a side of torture with his eggs, I said yes.
I didn’t know what Mouse’s play was here. I wasn’t sure if he was just being friendly or if there was something more. But I needed to know, even if I had no right to infringe. He should have known better, though. She was Brass’ daughter and there was a loud unspoken rule that you didn’t fuck with her.
That was the biggest issue I had. I respected Brass and saw him as a second father. So when it came to my feelings for Gwen I had to do what was right. I had to stay away.
At the diner, I made sure Mouse sat first, then I planted my ass right next to his. That way they would be separated. And there was no way I could sit next to her. I knew I would break if I did.
She was fucking stunning. I hadn’t really let myself look at her since she had resurfaced into my life, but now there was simply no way to avoid it. I didn’t say much, choosing to let the two of them catch up, but I did hear every word and noticed everything about her. Like how her laugh still had the same sweet ring to it only less childlike. Her smell was still floral only more grown up. It was like roses and honey instead of daisies and sugar. Her face was thinner but still held that same light when she talked about things she loved. She was still my Gwen, only she wasn’t a girl anymore.
Truth be told, it was killing me. I considered myself a strong man, but I knew she would end up bringing me to my knees. I only wondered how long that would take.
It didn’t go unnoticed that she practically acted like I wasn’t there. I supposed my icy welcome hadn’t helped any. But I knew it would be for the best if I kept her at arm’s length.
