Page 96 of Axe
Epilogue
Allison
One year later.
It took a good six months for me to come to grips with what I had done. I knew it wasn’t something that I would be able to get over easily. But for it to take that long for what I had done to actually sink in kind of caught me off guard. I think for the longest time, I kept myself in the blissful place of denial. I was moving through the day, enjoying what I had in my life.
And who wouldn’t?
I mean, I had my son and he was safe. I had Axe and he was fucking amazing. Not only a great father figure to my son—everything I had ever dreamed of—but he was the best partner in life.
And eventually, I had a whole brotherhood and their women that took me in and cared for me like I was their own.
It didn’t come easily, I had caused a great deal of tension among them, but it did come. I was alright with that, I didn’t hold anything against them. I mean, I couldn’t say that if I was in their position that I wouldn’t have felt the same way. They were only wanting to protect their family and I was not only an outsider, I was also a constant reminder of the years of terror they had lived in.
The women though, they had been amazing. While Axe had nudged me to get counseling, which I did, the women of the club had helped in other ways. I think it was the combination of everything that helped pull me out when the realization of my past hit me hard.
Reagan, well, she and her crazy as hell grandmother, Ethel, showed me how to embrace my sexuality and that just because I did it didn’t make me a ‘whore.’ Odd as it might have been, the seventy-something woman showed me that it didn’t matter how I saw or felt about myself, it mattered how ‘that fine as hell man’ looked at me. And Axe always looked at me with a blazing heat behind his eyes. A heat that said he wanted to take me every minute of every day. So, that was what I learned to focus on. Reagan had said that I needed to start seeing myself through his eyes.
So, I let go and made it that simple. Let me tell you, once I did and my confidence grew, well, hot tamales, the sex became almost unbearably mind-blowing. That wasn’t to say that it was anything less before, but somehow I became more relaxed and with that, I was able to focus only on the melding of our two bodies.
Sweet Ellie showed me how to look at the good. She had been in a similar situation before. Her story was pretty crazy and made me realize that I wasn’t so alone.
She had once shot and killed a clubwhore who’d gone psycho crazy. The chick had apparently taken the club hostage and threatened to kill Ellie and Diesel. Ellie was super pregnant at this time and while she wanted to blame it on the hormones, we both knew it was something greater. It was her need to protect her family. Her whole family, as she put it. So, that not only included an unborn Fate at the time and Diesel, it included every single part of the club.
Her story made me see that I did what I had to do, not only for my sanity but to save the club as well. To see how well adjusted the tiny and sometimes timid woman was, it gave me hope that I would be alright.
Nadya…let me just say, she wasn’t one for emotions and feelings. She wasn’t even one for talking. But one day she sat me down, gave me this nasty as dirt tea, and slid a book into my hands while she made sure I drank said tea. She told me that when my mind felt like it was too dark I should lose myself in another world.
Then, she took me out to the back of the compound and showed me how to throw a knife so hard that it stuck into the side of the garage they had there. She knew that I needed to get my frustration out somehow and what better way to do that and tone my arms at the same time, right? She did this three times a week with me until I didn’t need her direction anymore. Until I could wear a blindfold and hit the center of a target from fifty feet away.
They were all amazing. I was beyond grateful for where my life had ended up.
Lulu, well Lucy as she liked to go by now, came back into my life as if the last seven years hadn’t even happened. She was the best friend I had always known. She didn’t look or treat me any differently. That wasn’t to say that she let me gloss over all the shit that had happened to me.
I couldn’t believe all the lengths that she had gone through to try and find me. It took her many years to figure out the hacking thing. Half the things she said to me I didn’t understand, but she was so animated when she spoke about it that I just sat there and hung onto every word.
She explained how she had become a shut-in after I was taken. First, it was gripping fear that held her inside. She figured if it could have happened to me, then it could have happened to anyone. The constant worry that came from her parents pushed her to move out the moment she hit eighteen.
Then she turned that fear into motivation, but with that came the constant need to stay tucked away in her apartment and watch everything that she could that went on in the underground criminal world.
As the years rolled on, she realized that the walls of her apartment had become her sanctuary and she found that she had a hard time even thinking of stepping outside that space. She was slowly working on getting out more and I had an idea that Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome was to thank for that.
When I learned that Bocca was just as much of a computer geek as her, I introduced them. That was when she informed him that she was the one that had hacked his system and that she knew all about his underwear collection. His face turned bright red and he went quiet, which was strange for the charming as sin man. But after he got over it, they had spent hours talking about shit that I was lost on. I had a feeling those two were going to become good friends.
It was funny, in a way, how we had switched personalities. I was now the one who wasn’t afraid to have a voice and I no longer felt the need to shield myself behind closed doors. She, for the most part, seemed content on hiding away with her work. But I had a feeling both of us would balance each other out again.
My mom, who had divorced my dad five years ago when she had finally seen the monster that I had that night, cried the moment she laid eyes on me. I cried because, well, she was my mom and I missed her dearly. She had nothing to do with my father’s decision and I knew that she had never given up on trying to find me, despite the fact that law enforcement clearly had.
She ended up moving just an hour away from Moon Hill. She said she wanted to be close, but didn’t want to smother me. Plus, she liked the city life.
As for the men, they were great too.
Tank was always amazing. And his son was such a laugh-riot. Grass was the most hyper kid I’d ever seen but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t a good kid and the way he was with Fate was just the cutest thing. I finally understood the sadness that I’d seen in Tank’s eyes that one day. I had learned the story of how he thought his son was dead, then when he found out he wasn’t, he still had to stay away to keep Grass safe. But all that was over and the little boy was back home.
Brand was one of my favorites, though he wasn’t here anymore. But I couldn’t have been happier for him. He had his own tattoo shop down on the coast and an official officer’s patch to go along with it. Reagan and I kept saying how we were going to make the trip down there to see him.
I also had plans for him to do a cover-up job on my tattoo, I was just working up the nerve. Let me just say that my first tattoo had not been a good experience, but I wanted Savage’s mark off my body. I wanted Axe to be able to fuck me from behind without the constant reminder of the past. So, I had a feeling that the time was coming soon and I knew Brand would be as gentle as possible.
