Page 50 of Axe
I whispered ‘thank you’ as we stood there shoulder to shoulder watching a peaceful Neiryn sleep. We were almost touching and I felt butterflies in my stomach as his arm brushed mine. He seemed lost in thought and after a moment he gave his head a little shake.
“I’m going to take a shower, then I’ll make us dinner,” I said barely above a whisper.
He kept his eyes on my sleeping son as he gave me a short nod. Trying my best to push the insecurities out of my head, I set off to do what I’d said.
The water felt good as the hot spray hit my skin. I lathered up my body, the sweet cranberry and sugar scent filled the air, and my eyes were trained on the suds as they circled the drain.
I must have been so lost in thought that I didn’t hear the bathroom door open, or the rustling of clothes being removed, or the heavy breathing of another person. It wasn’t until the curtain slid open slowly, almost as if he didn’t want to scare me, and his naked form stepped in that I realized he was there. I turned immediately and locked my eyes onto his. Both of our chests rose and fell heavily but neither of us moved.
I was self-conscious of everything. The scars and burn marks that decorated my body. The stretched out skin from being pregnant. My sagging boobs even though they weren’t that big to begin with. The birthmark that I had right next to my right hipbone.
As his eyes roamed all over my body the only thing I could see flickering behind his gaze was desire and appreciation.
“I want to kiss you,” he said low and almost dangerous.
I wanted his lips on mine so bad I could almost feel them there already. He hesitated and my brows knitted in confusion. He stepped closer, closing the distance between us and my breath hitched in my chest.
“I want to kiss you,” he repeated and it was then that I realized he was waiting for my approval and acceptance.
“Please,” I said, my voice shaky but only because I was desperately needy for him to touch me.
“Fuck,” he breathed out before his hands gently grabbed my face and his lips were suddenly on mine.
The kiss was slow and almost methodical. I got the sense that he was trying to hold himself back and I didn’t want that. I pushed up on my toes, my mouth molding harder into his. I sucked on his bottom lip and nibbled ever so slightly, showing him what I wanted in return. His hands tightened on my face and he released a deep groan.
In the blink of an eye, he swung me around and as my back hit the cool tiled wall, a shiver ran down my spine. My fingers dug into his hips as I pulled him closer, his thick erection becoming trapped between us.
“Allison,” he whispered as he nipped and sucked down my neck. “I want you so bad.”
“Yes,” was all I could say in my lust-filled haze.
“There are things I want to do to you. Things I crave. It ain’t right,” he said as he pulled back to look at me. There was a darkness in his eyes but I didn’t shrink away. “In the daytime, you smile at that little boy and then he smiles at me and part of me fuckin’ melts away. Then you look at me with the same tender look that you give to him and I don’t know what to do with it. I want to be apart of that.”
He paused and suddenly his hands were wrapped around my wrists and my hands were pinned to the wall above my head. It should have scared me but it didn’t because I knew that he would never do anything to hurt me.
“But then night comes and all the darkness seeps back out. And I try to stop it but I’m afraid that I won’t be able to and I’ll end up hurting you. All I want to do is pull you into it and have it consume you. Not because I want to break you, but because I want you to be a part of it. I want you to understand that part of me. But I won’t. I can’t. Because there are just some places you don’t come back from.”
His words rocked me to the core. I was trembling but I had no idea why. His hand dug further into the hold on my wrist as if he was trying to prove some sort of point.
“I won’t fight. I won’t ever fight you,” I said, unblinking as I looked into his eyes.
“No, you fight. You always fucking fight.”
His tone was tipping on the verge of angry and I wondered if it was only me that could push him to that. But then again, maybe I didn’t want to know. I had a feeling that his words were meant to extend far beyond this moment.
“You don’t feel comfortable, then you say it. You don’t like something, you let that shit be known. You feel scared, you fucking fight.”
I swallowed hard, understanding his every word. Over the years, I’d lost my fight. It turned out that it was useless and so I didn’t even try. But he didn’t want that for me ever again. His words bounced around in my head, repeating over and over again.
“I want you,” I said confidently.
“I want to make you mine. I want to mark you. Fucking own you. Don’t you see…” he licked his bottom lip, his eyes turning a bit sad, “that just isn’t right. Not for you.”
I pushed against his hold and he was quick to release me. His arms pressed into the wall beside my head, his elbows locked like he was doing his best to keep himself away from me. I lightly kissed his lips, then trailed a line of feather-soft kisses down his throat. I continued my way down, my knees bending to lower my body as I did.
“Allison,” he growled in warning, but I kept going.
I kissed down his lightly sculpted abs and over the thick line of hair below his belly button.
