Page 29 of Axe
I had wasn’t sure how long we drove for, my mind turned itself off and I felt like none of this was real. I started to hope that I was asleep and that I’d wake up soon.
The car stopped and two of the men dragged me out. I lifted my head to see that we were in the middle of an old junkyard. By the looks of the dry, knee-high grass and the rusted out cars, I would have guessed the place was abandoned. I wanted to scream and call for help but I had a feeling there wasn’t anyone around for miles.
“This is where it begins,” the stranger said as we walked further into the unknown.
That was when I saw it, an old shipping container that looked like it had seen better days. He pulled the door open and I was roughly pushed inside. The stranger walked over to me and grabbed my hair to pull me up. I felt the burn as the hairs started to rip out of my scalp and I cried out in pain because I could no longer hold it all in.
“You are mine now,” he said and I could feel the evil radiating through each word.
He left me there for days. I had no idea exactly how many because I couldn’t see the outside. I was left in utter darkness. I had to fumble my way around, choosing to count my steps as I hugged the wall so I knew the exact spot I had designated as the place I relieved myself.
My hair became a greasy, madded mess. Dirt from the floor caked my body. The smell of my own waste grew stronger by the second. I didn’t move if I didn’t have to. I stayed curled in the corner, trying my best to hold as much body heat in as I could. Being winter in the middle of Vermont, I had no idea how I didn’t freeze to death.
It was in that silent darkness that I realized there was no way out of this. That what was to come I could not hide from. So, I let myself break. I cried until I didn’t have any tears left.
Then I replayed all of my favorite memories one last time. I let in the fear, sadness, and heartache I had for those I cared about. I couldn’t imagine how my mom must have been dealing. And Lulu. I wished more than anything that I’d gotten to see her one last time.
I wondered why my dad seemed to know the man that took me and what he would tell everyone about why I was gone. I had no idea that my dad was so cold and I tried to find a time in my memories where I might have seen a glimpse of the monster hidden inside. But I couldn’t, and I wondered how psychotic of a man he must have been to be able to hide it all those years.
Slowly the memories played out and after they were done I imagined them fading out of my head. I wouldn’t let myself think of them ever again. I wouldn’t remind myself of the life I’d once had or the people that meant the most to me. Going forward, I would be numb.
I knew too much, read too many books, I knew that this situation wouldn’t end in a fairy tale. I may have had a pretty decent upbringing but I also wasn’t so naïve that I didn’t know that evil existed in the world.
The doors opened, and in walked the man that had taken me. His sinister smile chilled me to the bone. I thought being locked in that container would have been the worst thing, but he was about to prove me wrong.
He wanted to break me down. He wanted to show me how much power he held over me. He let me know that if I ever tried to run, he would hunt me down and the punishment for disobeying him would be death, but not for me, if only it were that easy. He promised me that if I ever even thought about escaping he would kill everyone I cared about. He would start with my mother. As he spoke I realized that he knew a lot about my life, more than any stranger should. He knew about Lulu and even about the guy who sat next to me in English that had a crush on me.
And then he broke me.
It started with me in the middle of a room full of men just like him. The leather vests that they all wore held a number of different patches. I’d later come to realize that this was a motorcycle club and they all followed their leader with the same amount of evilness pumping through their veins. And as he stripped me down and hosed me off like I was a dirty animal, I saw the look in their eyes and knew that not one of them was going to help me. Not a single one of them was going to even think about trying to stop what was to come.
I was seventeen, and my first experience was not only in a room full of men, but with them all.
By the time it was over I was just dead inside. I was covered in bruises, bite marks, cuts, and semen. I had never felt so ashamed and humiliated. I couldn’t even find the tears to cry.
“Get up, little whore,” he barked at me.
I stood on shaky legs as I tried to cover my exposed body with my arms. Wetness trickled down my legs and it felt sticky and slick as my thighs rubbed together when I took a step back.
“I own you,” he said, his dark eyes stared lifelessly into mine.
He was the Devil and he had just robbed me of my soul.
And this was only the beginning. He legally bound himself to me to further prove the point that he owned me. I never said the words ‘yes’ or ‘I do’ but I did sign the papers going along with it. All I could think was that I had to savethem. And that was what the people that I cared about became from that day on, them. I wouldn’t ever picture their faces or think of them as individuals again. I wouldn’t remember how much they meant to me. I wouldn’t even let their names be whispers in the background of my mind.
Seven years I endured his torture.
Seven years I held back my pain.
Seven years I was a prisoner to a man that wanted to see how much I could take before there was nothing left inside of me.
